I'm posting this because I genuinely feel like this may help someone.
So I've been away from posting on this subreddit for a month now, because calorie counting alone was just not working for me, and I needed to take a step back and re-assess my plan a bit. If you have been following my journey, you will know that I have been through weight loss before, and most of the weight I've gained is during the pandemic. I keep referring back to my previous weight loss, not because I want to live in the past.
It's because although it took me almost two years to drop 30 ish pounds, it was not nearly as difficult to keep going, I never felt deprived or discouraged, and was quite easy to maintain after, until the pandemic hit. Most importantly, during that journey, I felt great the entire time. Even when the scale had not moved as much in my first few months, my overall confidence had gone up so much, people in my life noticed a big change in me.
This is not how I feel now.
To crack the code, I called my trainer from that time, who taught me everything I know about exercise based fitness, to see if she had any insights on what was different. There's one thing she said to me that made the light bulb go off.
"You didn't come to me wanting to lose weight. You came to me because you wanted to be strong. Your weight loss was just a happy accident."
She also reminded me that early on, when we did discuss weight loss casually, I said that if I was trying to lose weight, my goal weight would be 110 lbs. She asked me why 110 lbs, and my answer was because that was my lowest weight as an adult. When I finally felt like I had achieved by health, strength and looks goal at the end of the two years, I was maintaining within a range of 120-125 lbs. Truly goes to show how ridiculous my initial goal weight and my reasoning for it was.
I had eventually stopped weighing myself, and only checked my weight at the doctor's office or when I was needing weigh something while holding it, standing on the scale, like a suitcase. I remember weighing in at around 135 lbs at one point, and not being bothered by it because I still fit in my clothes beautifully, and was working extra hard at the gym. I was insanely strong at that point, already deadlifting my weight, and getting close to squatting my weight too. Aside from coming to terms with my very real sugar addiction, I was eating whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, not a care in the world.
After a very detailed heart to heart conversation with her and my therapist, I now realize that I genuinely don't care about my weight. What's bugging me is my lack of physical activity, the amount of strength and stamina I've lost this year, and the fact that I don't fit in any of my clothes any more. Even the fitting in the clothes is not as big of a deal to me, because clothes can be replaced. I just don't look like I want to look like, to feel strong and sexy, you know? If I stay the same weight I am today, but I'm able to get stronger, have a ton of energy and stamina, get a clean bill of health from the doctor, and if I look good to me and me alone, I will be happy. Strong and sexy for the win!
This realization makes me feel like a huge burden has been lifted off my shoulders. I suddenly feel very free, and I have this new found determination to pursue new health goals.
If you're here, reading this, ask yourself why you want to lose weight. Then ask yourself if you were able to achieve the why without the number in the scale changing too much, would you care? Some food for thought.
DISCLAIMER: My idea of what looks good is specific to me. It's not an unrealistic image, just an image close to what I looked like when I was at the peak of my health.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/2RaiUIG
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