I was overweight all my life. When I was 19 I finally had enough and I lost 130lbs over 1.5 years and maintained that until I was 23. I had mental health problems during that time but when I was 23 they got worse, I was diagnosed with binge eating disorder, and I gained 140lbs back.
Back in July 2020 I started losing weight again and at my lowest I lost 90lbs. Due to binge eating I’m currently sitting down only 57lbs. At least as of an hour ago, maybe a little more since there’s water weight from last night, water I drank, and I was clothed.
This whole time I’ve done it in a calorie deficit only with no exercise. I know this hasn’t been any help for my weight loss or mental health. But I’m absolutely terrified of getting back in a gym. Honestly all I want to do is swim. I love swimming. But I remember how differently you’re treated skinny vs. fat, and the thought of walking up to a gym desk to sign up, or walking into a new gym locker room, or taking my shirt off to swim right now makes me want to throw up.
I want to go tonight SO BAD but I binge ate last night and I’m so bloated. I feel/look more disgusting than normal. I know it’s the first step to stop hating myself but I can’t bring myself to do it.
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