I feel like I can't move on with my life until I lose weight. Does anyone else feel this way?

F / 36 / 5'5 / CW: 152 / GW: 128

I feel like weight loss has been hanging over my head my whole life. My weight has been up and down many times. I've ranged anywhere from 139 - 178 lbs as an adult (when not pregnant).

Even when I'm gaining weight or plateauing, I'm in weight-loss mode. You know, worrying about it, attempting to fix it, always thinking about it. I've never been at a point where I'm intentionally trying to maintain my weight.

I feel a bit lost lately. For example, I used to be very driven at work. I still work hard and have a good job, but I no longer have the desire to climb the ladder, or possibly even work at all. I feel like I don't have a purpose. I don't know what my goals are, with the exception of one thing: reaching 128 lbs.

I want to know what life is like without that constant routine in my head. What is my real purpose in life? I feel like weight loss is blocking my view of it. Maybe climbing the ladder IS for me. Maybe it's not. Maybe I need to volunteer part-time. Maybe I should go into politics. Maybe I should start a YouTube channel. Maybe I should buy a farm. I feel like I can't know until I get this monkey off my back.

Or you know what? Maybe weight loss ISN'T stopping me from finding my purpose. But I won't know that either until I'm finally done with this!

In the past, my motivation for losing weight has been my appearance or health reasons. Now, my main motivation is wanting to move past this HUGE obstacle. I'm doing it for my mental health. I'm doing it so that I might figure out who I am when so much of my brainspace isn't dedicated to it.

It's said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. I've been doing the same thing over and over (staying in perpetual weight-loss mode) and expecting different results (figuring out my purpose). Well, I'm ready to stop the insanity, wrap this up, and try something new. I am excited to find out what life is like on the other side.

submitted by /u/Pale-Artichoke
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