Background: I've lost about 70-75 lbs. since August 2020, but I've been feeling really discouraged in the midst of a longgggg plateau that's had me fluctuating between 220-225 lbs. since February 2021. I briefly got all the way down to 205 lbs. in July (so close to Onederland!!) but have bounced back up to 222.4 as of my weigh-in this morning.
So as you can imagine, I've been feeling frustrated and disappointed in myself lately. Self control around food has been a real uphill battle, which is the only kind of 'uphill' I've done recently as my exercise habits are all but non-existent these days. The negative self-talk has been brutal. All the usual inner critic stuff... What's wrong with me that I can't keep positive momentum? I was so close to Onederland, and I'll never get back there! I've only lost 10 lbs. in the last 12 months - all the rest of my weight loss happened more than a year ago...
And then it hit me.
ALL THE REST OF MY WEIGHT LOSS HAPPENED MORE THAN A YEAR AGO.
If I had asked my 295 lb. self in July 2020, "Would you be happy if you lost 70 lbs. and kept it off for more than a year," my answer would have been a resounding HELL YEAH!! And if that's the case, why the hell am I sitting here feeling like I've failed yet again, telling myself that since I've fallen off the wagon, I should just steer into holiday excess?
No! Not this time, inner critic! I have every reason to be proud AF of what I've already accomplished, whether or not I lose another pound. My body has gotten a whole year of respite from 70 extra lbs. worth of wear and tear; I've gotten a year's worth of pictures of me and my family now that I no longer flee whenever a camera comes out; I've been able to shop exclusively in the "straight size" clothing section for a whole year. All of these things make a difference. These are gifts I've given to myself by doing something I've never done before: MAINTENANCE.
Am I at my goal weight? No. Am I happy with the way I look and feel right now? Nope, not really. Will I continue to struggle with motivation and self control? Oh, absolutely.
But for now, I'm reminding myself that the most important aspect of that last sentence - continuing to struggle with motivation and self control - isn't the struggle part... it's the continue part!
Much love to all of you in the r/loseit community for giving me hope - the kind of hope that makes me want to recommit to this gift I've given myself for another year. So I'll see you here next year! I may not be any closer to my goal weight by then, but that's okay. I'll continue to struggle anyway!
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