My dad weighs 125kg as of last week...... I weigh 124.2kg as of yesterday morning.
I know this should give me a boost up the ass to keep going and lose weight.... but all I feel like doing is giving up. Like I'm kidding myself I'll ever be thinner than I am now. And at the same time absolutely terrified of anyone finding out we weigh the same.
Everytime I start losing a little bit I am so proud of myself but then a few days later I'll end up undoing all my hard work and sabotaging myself.
If I then see I gained weight and/or didn't lose any I get incredibly depressed and it puts me in such a bad mood for the rest of the day, I feel so much like a failure and thoughts about how I'll always be fat and that there is no point keep running through my head that I end up binging.
It was suggested from a friend that I have an emotional eating and binge eating disorder but that just makes me feel even more like a failure and want to binge and how this is all hopeless.
I've decided I need a break from counting and everything weight loss. I'm about to go on holiday to America and yes I'm going to enjoy myself but I'm not going to go crazy. For example for breakfast won't be an all you eat, eat till you can't move thing. But a sensible 2 eggs on toast with a peice of bacon breakfast. Just not tracking every single mouthful of food or drink whilst I'm away. And then when I get back..... back to it ! And I want to create an exercise plan when I get back to, nothing extreme. But like go to the gym for a 1 hour class 1 time a week for a few weeks. Then up it to 2 times a week for a few weeks.
That might sound pathetic but if I fail..... I binge.
If I am an emotional eater and binge eater, is anyone else here in the same boat ? Any advice ? Other than give myself a massive slap and tell myself to stop feeling sorry for myself and get back on track ?
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