Tuesday, September 11, 2018

Reflections 3 months later, 30lb down, body shape, butterface, and insights.

Im happy to have lost so much so soon. This is without some special diet or regimen, just CICO. I eat less, mostly fruit and veggies, eat less high cal food and try to exercise often. I still have 30lb to lose before I reach my goal weight, but I think I may adjust it once I reach that, since I really want to look good in a bodycon skirt 😎.

I started at 220lb at 5"7 (obese bmi) , im currently at 190lb (overweight bmi). My goal is 160, which my bmi will be finally in a "healthy" range.

This is meant to be taken with some humor. Before starting and right now, I thought, if I lose weight the least I could be is a butterface. This is slang meaning 'everything (the body) looks good, everything but her face'. I have a big nose and a goofy smile, but today I was thinking about how even reaching my goal weight, id be a butterface. This isnt necessarily discouraging to me, seeing as beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and a good personality is worth so much more. Im just really acknowledging I cant change my face as much as my body. Im not interested in makeup or cosmetic surgery, though, so this is just an observaton ive made. Though i have been taking much better care of my skin and personal hygiene and it shows.

I also follow a fashion IG that has clothes id die to wear but wouldnt look good on me at my current weight. I like to stalk the page and daydream about me in those clothes. As for now, shopping is basically the same. I still fit a size 16, though yesterday I had a 14 on and fit well. My old clothes are looser but not by much, much of my weight is in my legs or stomach and those haven't shrunken much. My breast took a hit though 😱 a bra i bought in July already fits different.

My family has noticed a change in my weight, and a few friends have commented on it. I avoid talking about it with friends though, the conversation makes it really awkward for me since weight loss is so personal. I havent had (all but one) negative responses so its all compliments, but they still make me uncomfortable (though I appreciate the gesture).

I also realized Im not an hourglass!! I had always imagined id be when I lost weigt, but im actually a pear. This was a huge letdown for me. Now i realize my hips are soooo wide. It'll only emphasize that the more weight I lose :( that really sucks ngl

Ive been doing squats and my butt looks a lot better. It was already pretty big, but now its more toned so looks better. Though thats the only real noticable difference to me,my arms are still flabby, tummy huge, thighs thicker than a horse's, and a chubby face.

I feel lighter and happier, since im reaching goals and being diligent. Its also really good for my depression. Im happier in general, but more disatisfied with my body now that im trying to better it and just ignore it when I see it in the mirror.

What changes have you noticed in your journey?

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