Stepping on the scale this morning to a lovely 225, I almost cried. There's only 25 pounds left until I see the light of 199. I've wanted to get back there for almost a decade and I'M GOING THERE. I'M GOING TO ACTUALLY MAKE IT. I'm actually looking forward to taking my yearly photo at the Ren Faire later this month to have a progress pic.
Treating my mental illness problems should have been the first step all along. When I first started following loseit, I'd been off medication for 9ish years and trying to learn coping skills on my own to not "need" medication. In my case, this was prideful bullshit that only hurt me. Honestly. I read thread after thread of people who got motivation! got to working out! got to counting calories! and... I never could do it. I'd track on MFP all day long, be honest with myself and the app, hit my calorie limit for the day, then cry at night because my body was still hungry and I couldn't sleep. I couldn't figure out why I was starving, or why I couldn't force myself to deal with a perfectly healthy calorie reduction. I wasn't trying to cut back to 1200isplenty all at once; I started at 1850 during that period and still couldn't stop eating. What I needed most was treatment for the problems that come with ADHD and depression. I never realized how bad I really was or how badly I needed help.
In 2015, I topped out at 260ish (mostly in water retention and other scary shit; I was probably dying at a sustained blood sugar well over 500). I was diagnosed as a diabetic and with Meniere's Disease and I started making -better- choices immediately. Lower carb, water/diet beverages only, no caffeine, I tried a new vegetable or food every week to give myself more variety. I kept my A1c at a respectable 6.0%.
My doctor was proud enough of me, since I at least took my blood sugar seriously. Almost overnight I dropped back to my usual weight of 238-240. But no more weight ever came off. No amount of Metformin, educating myself, or exercise attempts did shit. I couldn't stop eating so much. I got to have seriously deep conversations with my doctor about treating diabetes and I was labeled "the fun patient" but... nothing. The scale wouldn't move at all. I was heartbroken with myself. I gave up for a while. What was I even trying for if I couldn't stop eating? Knock, Knock, It's fucking depression!
Now though, after a month of constant losing since adding my second mental health med, my only worry has been coming down has felt like one long whoosh, and I'm starting to fear that I'm losing too fast to be healthy at 3-4lbs a week. I'm satisfied on 1,500 a day and I know I'm getting enough nutrition wise (leafy vegetables are my friends). I really don't want to try to eat more now that I've adjusted. I'm comfortable. My TDEE is supposed to be around 2k cal, but I'm just barely 5'4" and live an extra sedentary life. I spend most of my days writing/reading or doing housework.
I do need to work on my exercise routine, more for my heart than weight loss since I have had periods where I was sick for months and couldn't stand on my own without help from vertigo. I'm much weaker than I was five years ago and I'm 28, that's scary as fuck. Going to get the mail down my southern driveway is a nice 10 minute walk at a good pace but not exercise lmao. Still, I'm reaping some benefits anyway: my blood pressure is lower, my blood sugar has bottomed out to a "normal" range (75-140 at all times), my old injured knee doesn't ache. 10/10 this weight loss thing rocks.
Lastly though, I wish I could hug the whole community. I never faced judgment the few times I have posted comments, only constant gentle, firm support. Without watching other people have such successes because they wanted to and they achieved it, I might still be telling myself that I'm doing just fine without mental health care. I'm looking forward to studying and applying for community college in spring, and maybe having a degree before I hit 30. I'm not doing great all the time, but my days are manageable. I'm motivated and capable. Therapy is good for me, and medication has been a knock out punch.
And indirectly, the community really helped me get there. Just reading your posts helped shove me into the therapists chair to answer the question "Why can't I do this?". Thank you, Thank you, Thank you all so much. <3
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