Hello! This might be a ramble, but I'm wondering if anyone here can relate to friends becoming a little distant during weight loss efforts.
I'm a few months into my journey and have been struggling with how to explain my adjustments to some of my friends, who are so lovely and body positive (and some have long histories of ED's), but I can see the face scrunching and side eyes when I turn down ordering dessert or order club soda instead of a cocktail. At first, this hurt a lot, but I try to empathize with where they are coming from. From the outside, it looks like I've done a 180, going from the person who knew how to throw down and drink people under the table on a Tuesday, and always encouraged ordering an extra side of fried pickles or dessert. It hurts to think that our friendship could be compromised just because of different foods and drinks. So I brainstormed some phrases to keep in the back of my mind to make these interactions a little less awk.
Some context: I gained weight after I quit smoking last July and let myself eat whatever I want through the first few months of trying to stay away from cigarettes, which was extremely difficult even after I cut down to just a few per week!! Then I went through a double whammy of a breast cancer scare and having back surgery in November– as in, I had my biopsy the day before my surgery. I tried to downplay how much the prospect of breast cancer scared me, playing it off confident that it would be fine, but the reality is that I had my first biopsy at twenty. Fucking. Five. I'm expected to have mammograms for at least a few years– most women start in their 40's. All of this threw me off, and I realized how many changes I needed to make.
Between the stress and having limited movement for a while, I gained another 10-15 pounds in a couple of months. My weight gain wasn't natural– I'm on the taller side and have curves + a bigger frame overall, but this extra 30 pounds didn't sit well or suit me at all. I felt it in my joints, in my movements, and couldn't stop looking at how much bigger my thighs and belly became. My attainable goal is to get back to a weight I was very comfortable with while I was still a smoker, but also see how long-term lifestyle changes can help change my body over time without always being on a diet or constantly checking my calorie/step counts.
I'm planning to have a couple of conversations with my friends very soon, and here's what I think I'm going to say:
- "My health ups and downs last year have convinced me that I want to try a few lifestyle changes. I'm currently in the process of building better habits that will last over time– I won't be ordering salads and grilled chicken forever, just until I get on the right track with my weight and relationship with food."
- "I'm dieting and working out to help get down to a weight that I'm comfortable with and that fits my frame– I'm not trying to get skinny or ripped, just a healthier version of myself."
- "I'm working on eating healthier so I learn how to stop treating my body like a dumpster and make mindful choices. The way I used to drink and eat is not sustainable in the long term, and I'm talking about effects beyond just my weight."
- "Let's face it: I will never eat or drink alcohol the way I used to, because it ended up not being good for me at all. But I still want to enjoy our dinners and happy hours together."
- "I'm tracking food to help encourage me to choose more nutrient dense foods, and experiment with how it makes me feel throughout the day." (<-- coming from someone who thought they could never live without 11am and 3pm snacks!)
- "I figured out that my brain doesn't respond well to alcohol anymore and I need to limit my drinking. But we can still go to happy hour and you can enjoy drinks in my honor. I support you doing whatever makes you feel good."
If you have advice from similar conversations, please feel free to leave that here. I'm not nervous to talk to my friends, but even knowing if anyone has gone through anything similar will be a great relief. Thank you for reading. <3
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