TL;DR - successful weight loss has turned into binge eating problems. Need help/encouragement/advice leading up to my therapy appointment tomorrow (throwaway)
Hello beautiful r/loseit family,
You all have helped me so much since I began my weight loss journey in June of 2018, and now I need help more than ever.
I graduated college in May of 2018 at 185 pounds (23F, 5’ 8” for reference). I figured “hey, I don’t have college as an excuse to eat poorly anymore.” So I found this sub, and I worked on it. I ate 1200-1400 calories/day. During the day, I went to work at a domestic violence shelter, running around like a madwoman putting out residents’ emotional fires. At night, I went to work at my serving job, running around like a madwoman getting customers’ sides of ranch. The weight practically fell off, and I was riding high. I felt so powerful and in control. In September, I got my dream job! Yay! It was a desk job. Less yay. The hours required I quit my serving job, so my average daily steps of ~14,000 plummeted to ~1,000.
By this point, I had lost about 30 of the total 45 pounds I wanted to lose. I was feeling better and looking better. I became increasingly relaxed with my “cheat days.” I joined a gym to combat my newfound sedentary lifestyle. My weight loss slowed, but it didn’t halt completely. I lost 5 pounds from September to December. Great! Only 10 left. I carried on. I maintained my weight over the holidays. First time in my life, so it was a win for me. Hell yeah. Pat on the back.
This is where things start to get messy. I don’t know when or why this started, but I began to drink on weekends. A lot. In the daytime. By myself. I drank so many calories, and I ate even more in my drunken stupor. In time, these incidences became 48 hour long (probably clinical) binges. I was bored. I was lonely. My mental health was declining. I couldn’t sit with myself for longer than 10 minutes without something to distract me. Wine and food were sure to do just that. This has gone on every weekend since February. I think February. I have a hard time putting my finger on the exact start date. I haven’t weighed myself since February. I’m terrified to see what I’ve done. I don’t feel like I look ALL that different. I feel like I look like I weigh about 155. But our minds have a way of tricking us into thinking things aren’t that bad, don’t they? I’m sober M-F, and I’m strict about 1,200 calories/day. It all goes to shit Friday at 5pm.
I’m stuck in this vicious cycle. Monday - Wake up, hate self, get back on it, “never miss a monday” Tuesday through Thursday - Carry on, you’re doing great, you’re not going to mess up again this weekend Friday through Sunday - Drink, eat, eat some more, cry, ignore mom’s phone call
Before you say anything, I have a therapy appointment tomorrow. I realize I need help to fix this problem. I’m clearly incapable of handling it on my own. Tomorrow, I’m going to say all of this out loud for the first time, and I’m terrified. Like shaking and weeping practically non-stop since I booked the appointment yesterday. I don’t really know what I’m expecting anyone to say, you guys or the therapist. I feel as though I’m beyond help. I’m so scared this is my reality now. If you have anything you think could help me right now, please share. I’m desperate. TIA. I love you guys so, so much.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat http://bit.ly/2IHD3Om
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