This is my first summer as a “normal” sized person. I got fat in elementary school and stayed fat until I hit my thirties. Every year I have felt a sense of creeping dread as we moved into summer because that meant that swimsuit season was coming. Few things filled me with more anxiety about my body than the idea of wearing a swimsuit in public. The thought squeezing my fat body into Lycra and parading around on the beach was more terrifying to me than killer clowns or nuclear war. I was afraid that people would realize how fat I actually was if they saw my beach body. There was a lot of magical thinking that allowed me to believe that a pair of jeans could hide an extra hundred pounds. (Spoiler Alert: Everyone already knew how fat I was because they have eyes)
As I lost weight my fears around swimsuit season started to change. I was no longer worried that a modest tankini would spotlight my size. Now, I was worried that everyone would realize that I was now possessed the body of a shar pei if they saw me in my bikini bottoms. Unlike an extra hundred pounds, loose skin can actually be hidden by clothes. Putting on a swimsuit would mean destroying the illusion that I was just a normal person who had not disfigured their skin by becoming Class III Obese. I really wanted to hold on to that illusion.
Then our family beach trip happened. I love the beach. I did not want to deny myself the simple pleasure of playing in the ocean. When vacation arrived I put on a modest one piece suit and braced myself as I walked on the beach. No one stared. No one pointed. No one said a single word about my droopy butt and saggy thighs. The horrible reality of my new body was revealed and the world didn’t end.
I spent years talking myself out of weight loss because I was afraid of the loose skin. I’ve now lost the equivalent of a small adult woman in fat. There is plenty of loose skin on my body. Some of it can be strategical hidden with high waisted pants and sleeves, but in a swimsuit everything is put on display. Even though my body is far from perfect I still think it looks better now than it did 119lbs ago. Sure there are stretch marks and cellulite, but those things were also present when I was a size 22.
I did buy a bikini this year. I’m only going to wear it in the privacy of my own yard, but at least I’m not worried anymore that the world will end if my neighbors see my bare stomach. Instead, I’m going to share this with a bunch of Internet Strangers in hopes this can help you overcome your fear of loose skin and weight loss.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat http://bit.ly/2I1324a
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