Hey Loseit!
It's been awhile. That's part of the problem, of course. Back in 2015, I weighed 350 lbs and planned to have surgery. I thought I'd tried everything, and I knew I'd have to start logging my food to have the surgery and prepare, so I did that as my last, best hope. It worked - I lost 200 lbs over the course of around 18 months, no surgery required (and no shade on folks who have had surgery!).
At the end of 2017, I had a trans metatarsal amputation on my right foot due to complications from spina bifida and osteomyelitis. It didn't take all the infected bone, though - they found more later, and rather than seeing if it would spread, my surgeon and I decided on a below-the-knee amputation on my right leg. That happened in August of 2018.
I'm doing better now and am done with physical therapy, and I'm walking with a prosthesis. Some days are great and I can walk a few miles, and some days I'm miserable and can walk about 10 feet. Of course, I also know that weight loss is all about food. I know what to do. I just wasn't doing it. I got caught in a depression spiral - anxious about weight gain, depressed about weight gain, and just plain hating my body.
I remember from the first time I lost weight that I couldn't hate my body if I wanted to do this, because the point of doing this is loving my body enough to take care of it. It's been a struggle mentally to get there again. With the help of a wonderful therapist, I think I'm finally in that space again. I've started logging again, weighing food, and a program of intermittent fasting. I can't really calculate exercise into the equation properly, but that's okay - because I know this is really about food and intake and making healthy, responsible choices in moderation.
It helps to feel like I'm getting something under control again. I couldn't control what happened with my leg, but I can control what I put in my mouth. I know that weight loss will help my recovery. I didn't gain it all back, at least - my lowest was 148, and I'm at 208 now. It's a ways to go again, but I feel ready for it. I'm trying to avoid the mental loop where I get frustrated with myself for having to do this all over again, but that part is hard.
I realize this was a bit long, but I just wanted to re-introduce myself and say hi. I know I'm not the only one who's been here - and once upon a time I was convinced I never would be - but life has a way of kicking you in the ass sometimes. I think it's important we talk about this stuff because I don't want to be embarrassed about my weight gain, and I don't want anyone else in the same boat to be either. We're all human. We're not bad people when we lapse. It's just a thing that happens. Health is a long, long journey.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat http://bit.ly/2InDFdh
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