Tuesday, June 18, 2019

Tired and sad and at the end of my rope. What am I doing wrong?

I'm 30, female, 5'4" and 160 lbs. I've been trying to lose weight for five years, and really don't understand why I can't seem to.

I was pretty chubby as a kid, chunky as an older teen. I topped out at about 170 pounds when I was 21, then dropped 55 pounds to fit into my dream wedding dress. I gained back a few, but happily stayed around 125 pounds for a few years. So I'm not new to weight loss, diet changes/restrictions, or fitness. When I turned 25, my weight started sloooowly climbing. I shrugged it off until I reached 145 and my clothes weren't fitting anymore, then I started trying to lose it. Trying, but failing.

I know exercise is only a small part of the struggle, so I'll only mention that I added workouts until I was spending 90 minutes exercising every day. Yoga, aerobics, weightlifting, running. None of that made a dent, it just made me tired and sore, so I cut it down to about 45 minutes a day, not including long walks in the morning.

As for diet, I'm a compulsive measurer and logger. That is, I don't eat anything that hasn't been measured and logged. If I can't get the nutritional information, I just don't bother. I rarely dine out or order in, and choose healthy options when I do. I don't buy chips or candy or other snack foods. I only drink water, coffee (black or with a tablespoon of creamer), and almond milk. Alcohol is limited to one or two bottles of hard cider every six months.

I started with CICO, but even eating <1200 calories per day was causing gain instead of loss. I've tried keto, whole30, slow carb, intermittent fasting, and probably others I'm forgetting, and I either gained or maintained during each of them. Currently, my diet is WFPB with the occasional dip into dairy, fish, and eggs for the protein. I'd say that there might be something off in my measurements or recipes, but my patient husband who is along for every ride loses weight without issue each time we try something new.

I've been to a handful of doctors to rule things out. I have a Nexplanon implant and am on spironolactone for hormonal acne. I don't have PCOS, no deficiencies in anything, my thyroid is in good health, I'm not pre-diabetic, and my hormone levels are normal. The only thing that's off is my cortisol levels, presumably because I've been stressed to hell these past few years, so I'm on supplements for that. Beyond this, I'm having trouble finding a doctor that both believes me and isn't trying to sell me a fad diet. I've brought up my weight with my doctors and have been pretty much dismissed because I'm otherwise healthy, so I assume that they assume that I'm overeating. I'm not.

At this point, I really don't know what to do or where to go from here. I'm so tired and feel like this whole ordeal is pushing me dangerously close to orthorexia. I don't remember the last time I ate a cheeseburger or a slice of pizza. I experience crippling food-related guilt for even thinking about food that doesn't fit into my daily limit. I don't recognize myself in the mirror. I haven't seen my local friends in years because I'm so ashamed of how different I look and how shitty I feel. Most of my clothes don't fit, so I steal my husband's t-shirts. Our sex life is suffering because even though he still wants me, I don't want myself. I don't even want to leave the house anymore because I'm not comfortable with myself. I feel broken, and it'll probably take some serious therapy to move beyond this. But if I could even budge the scale a little bit, show some kind of downward trend, I know I'd be happy or at least on the path to happiness.

So I have to ask you knowledgable folks, what should I do? Where do I go from here? How do I get any doctor to take me seriously, or should I even bother with doctors at all?

submitted by /u/IroncladPangolin
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from loseit - Lose the Fat http://bit.ly/2WPTq5F

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