I'm here to loose it for good. In a healthy & sane way, God willing.
I've been noticeably chubby since I was five years old. I remember the moment I looked down and noticed a small belly, and asked my parents "am I fat?" for the first time. I have a history of putting on large quantities of weight, and going to extreme measures to loose it, at the goading of my parents. They had me on a modified version of the Adkins diet before fourth grade. And thus, I've always been extraordinarily conscious about my body: I've never not worn a T-Shirt to the beach, played sport without a top, nor gone swimming without a top (at least publicly). Of course, sex regularly comes with a t-shirt firmly affixed. My weight has perpetually been the worst enemy I cannot seem to divorce myself from. Im about 5'11"— between the 10th and 11th grades (US), I went from 183lbs down to 152-ish in a single 3-month summer because I keto-ed out of my mind. I counted every calorie and carb like a maniac. I bounced back up to around the 168-175 fairly quickly around the start of school that year, but in all fairness 170lbs on a 5'11" frame isn't awful– unfortunately no one ever told me this. No one close to me celebrated my weight loss as an accomplishment, but rather during the entire time I was skinny my parents kept up the rhetoric that I still could afford to loose weight. They would closely monitor my weight, and I was led to believe that even at 170-something, I was fat and unlikeable. I wasn't "complete". I needed to do more.
Fortunately for me, (/s) I managed to catch the ol' depression a couple of years into college, and was left with a lot of time on my hands from a semester I involuntarily took off. While at home, I was treated like a human trainwreck. I was a leaky plumbing problem that needed a quick fix. So, I was forced up daily at 5am to do insanely tiresome workouts that I was never really eager to do in the first place. I shed weight quick, and I was back at 165lbs, but once I was readmitted to school, I ballooned to 205lbs, 215lbs, and eventually 240lbs. The stretch marks came, as did my double chin. I was reconfirmed in the belief that I'd just always be fat. That's how it was, and thats how it had to be.
However, I can't take it anymore. I am starting to notice health problems that could become chronic, and I want to live long. I'm 23 years old, and I cant walk up a stairs without getting winded. I don't like sitting in a window seat because it takes extra energy to pull myself out into the aisle and stand up. I'm sedentary, and I hate the gym. Right now I live with my parents, and they propose wholly unhealthy ways of loosing weight. They still make me weigh in front of them daily, like they did when I was 16. Like, no sorry dad, I'm not gonna eat "just one egg" today. Unfortunately I'm just so, so, so exhausted. I'm tired of the fad diets, I'm tired of the diets diets, I just want to make a permanent lifestyle change, so that I can no longer be defined by my weight ever again.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/2YJycY1
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