I’m your classic yo-yo dieter. You’d think my self-awareness would actually help, but it doesn’t. I was so tired of the constant on and off that about 9 months ago or so, I finally gave up. I went completely off. I wasn’t going to pretend like one day I’d finally be happy with my body anymore. I don’t even know if this is possible, but I think I’ve gained about 40 pounds since then. (I'm 5'1", 22 years old, and female. Typically hover around 125 - 135lbs)
Here are the problems I've caused because of it:
- I have a few stretch marks on my hips and a lot of darker red ones on my breasts. From what I’ve read online, these will be permanent.
- The only old clothes I still fit into are two pairs of sweat pants and one pair of leggings. All my other leggings became too worn out in the thighs to wear anymore. I used to love wearing dresses, but now the chafing is too painful. I almost started crying at school the day I realized my gym shorts were too short and uncomfortable to wear anymore.
- I finally went shopping for new jeans a few days ago. The pairs I used to think looked so big on the rack, but fit me nonetheless, were too tight. I couldn’t even get them halfway up my thighs. I grabbed a pair I thought were definitely too big, but that was my size. It’s like between high school and college I’ve swapped body dysmorphia for denial.
- All my life, every time I got my blood pressure taken at a doctor’s office, they would do it twice because it came out so perfect. I’m talking consistently 120/80. One time after I started running a lot in high school and had an appointment, my doctor asked if I felt lightheaded because my blood pressure was low. On Monday I went in for a urine test for my new job and they took my blood pressure. 145/89
- I used to occasionally get heart palpitations even when I was fit. I saw a cardiologist about it, but they found nothing. Now every other day or so I get a tight squeeze around my sternum for a few seconds before it goes away.
I could add many more if I wanted. Right now, I'm drinking a protein shake for dinner on the second evening of my new attempt. I intend to keep going until my health issues subside and I'm confident with my body again. I feel so betrayed by my own self for letting it get to this point. I don't know if that makes any sense. It's been raining here so much the past few days it's really bumming me out. Has anyone else addressed similar health issues through weight loss and found it effective? Or anything else positive? I could use some optimism.
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