Male/ 24/ 5’11/ 275lbs
My diet and weight loss has stopped once again. Struggling to get back into it.
But that’s not what I want to talk about. I’m concerned that when I do (if, I suppose) I won’t be handsome and attractive. I’m obese and therefore so much of my image is tied to that and it kills me.
I’ve had a lot of jokes and negative comparisons on how I look and I’ve always hoped, and obsessed, over the idea that when I lose weight I would be really beautiful. But what if I’m not? The only way to find out is to lose weight obviously, and it will still always be an improvement to what I am now, but I want to be like close enough to model level and get loads of girls and look good in clothing and generally not be so fucking miserable.
All I think is they can make their jokes and I can feel like this now because when I do lose weight I WILL become this person. My height is okay, I’ve got wide shoulders, thick medium-long hair (ginger but I can dye)- I do get many jokes about it tho, but feel it would look amazing if I lose weight as it makes me look more unkempt bc of my weight I guess, and I feel my facial features aren’t awful. I’m obsessed with the idea that I have high cheekbones as I can feel them kind of but maybe I’m wrong.
I guess what I’m saying is I have no understanding of what I actually look like. I look in the mirror sometimes and think I look okay but then other times, especially outside of mirror, I hate myself.
Therapy (and weight loss) is obviously the answer however if I did lose weight and I wasn’t this I think it would really hurt me. I don’t want to make peace with being unattractive or mediocre. I don’t want to have been fat all this time and missed out on so much just to lose all of the weight to be just normal. And yes normal is okay, but I just can’t have it.
I want people who know me to completely see me in a different light and admit that I’m now attractive, I want to be and feel different, I want to look amazing in styles, and take care of myself and have a reason to do so. I don’t want to be considered reaching for punching if I dated someone hot, I’d want us to be equals and solid partners, I’d want to be a chill popular friendly guy.
The comparisons I’ve gotten have killed me. It hurts.
So yeah I’m obsessed with my image. It’s pretty messed up I guess, but I don’t even care, I just want to be attractive.
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