Context for weight journey: 33 y/o man, 5"5 200lbs to 300lbs from 2001-2010 300lbs to 358lbs from 2010-2015 358lbs to 300lbs from 2015-2020 300lbs to 266lbs from 2020 266lbs to 333lbs from 2020-2023 333lbs to 256lbs all 2024 (sustainable weight loss and doctor monitored, a medication change fixed my hormonal imbalance that caused a lot of issues with metabolism, and able to eat normally)
I have been a larger individual for a while, when I gained a substantial amount of weight as a toddler that just kept going. It wouldn't be until just this year at 32 y/o when I opened up to my doctor who isn't fatphobic and we looked into thing. He suggested a new medication recently approved for certain hormonal imbalances and that has improved my life in every regard. In addition I have been battling hypothyroidism levels being elevated my whole life till just this year as well which has been substantial for me to finally have regulated. I was told for a long time (2y/o to 18y/o) to drink milk and take calcium with synthroid because of the risk of osteoporosis... and in case you didn't already know, but that is not recommend at all and makes thyroid medication ineffective. I would battle to have my thyroid levels regulate from 19y/o to 30y/o do to proverty keeping me from affording my medication regularly. From 30y/o to 32y/o I would finally see my levels approach and then hit and maintain healthy levels.
My breathing has improved, my snoring is diminishing, my blood pressure is no longer borderline high, I can move easier. All because of weight loss.
But I also feel more body aches and pains, I am working with a physio to correct any issues with posture, which is actually "better than average" compared to many people somehow and it would appear that as I've lost weight, my joints are given the space to move more freely and I have hyper mobility so I need to strength train everything. I've been doing such but am experiencing rib subluxations frequently again in part because of the weight loss allowing my body to move freely. It's a work in progress.
I feel larger in many regards, as many areas continue to shrink in size, other areas stand out more and feel huge. I know that overall my body is doing a lot better, and I remind myself every day. I was hoping as weight would come off I would just feel better seeing myself but I am not, and if anything feel worse looking at myself nude so showers and baths are done in low light conditions to ease the mental turmoil. Some days are alright though and I feel proud.
I am seeing lose skin popping up as well, and everything looks so uneven and lumpy and odd in places. I also have varicose veins that before were not an issue but now are causing me pain daily as fat was hiding them before. Each month I'm noticing more and more from all the years of obesity and working 50+ hours a week standing in retail and warehousing. I shouldn't be getting more as I lose weight as time goes on but the pain in my legs has only increased as weight loss as continued, where before there was very little pain if any, just because I can bump them so easily and my knees are surrounded by them so the bending, bumping, kneeling is doing a number to those veins. Because of the still large amount of weight and edema because of it, I'm not eligible for treatment until more weight loss and edema has subsided and my legs can heal at the same rate or similar to my upper body.
I have had a number of folks feel inspired in my life by my weight loss and they continue to encourage me and are trying harder be more in shape as well. A few others are not so impressed; I have a friend who is obese who has made me the fattiest, richest foods imaginable all of a sudden, including making cakes and baked goods frequently and just forcing them on me, in large quantities. Like family of 6+ sizes of things. I accept some things, try to pass some of it off, enjoy nibbles here and there and most of it ends up in the compost. Other folks I know will go out of their way to remind me when they see me that "you've gained it all back before, so don't get too excited" and "you are just doing this for attention" (this is the only place I've posted anything since losing any weight, and not til today). I remind myself these folks are hurting and that their opinions and thoughts on the matter are not reflections on me, but of them as people.
Many people at my work find my weight loss "unsettling" as one person put it. A lot of folks at my work are fine, some are concerned (they think I may be sick and trying to pass it off), and others are just not liking it, but again, a reflection on them, not me.
I guess I just don't know how to process with feeling in some ways worse in my body, including more physical pain then before. My therapist is lack luster at best and I have enough experience with therapists and processes to do a lot of work myself. I guess the promise of "you'll feel so much better!" is 80% true still, so not a lie, but I wasn't expecting more issues to pop up and some of them being really negative. No one tells you about those things.
I am going to keep going of course, because damn, 80% better is amazing! I got a big goal to hit 200lbs before summer next year, which is more than doable. My next lil goal is 255lbs because I haven't weighed that much since I was 15 y/o. After that 250, and lil bits here and there. Ultimate goal?? Not sure really, but 160lbs would be what a doctor recommended to me when I was a kid and struggling hard, so I think that's my ultimate goal and to see what happens once I'm there.
tl;dr Over 100lbs Lost - "life will be so much better when you lose weight!" 80% is great, 20% is kinda awful, so I guess no one was lying? - An introspection of sorts
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