Sunday, June 2, 2019

Advice for depression after a setback

(TLDR) So, I was just diagnosed with patellofemoral pain syndrome(runners knee). And I am shattered.

I’ve been working what is essentially a desk job for 2-3 years that kept me in essentially crap shape. There’s more factors to it like a baby and school, but the long and short of it is that I sat on my butt and let all of my prebaby muscles dissipate. I finally got a job with good insurance and my first order was get on phentermine so I had the energy to get in shape again, since I was starting from level 0. To give you an idea of where I was, when I went to the Doctor, I had a BMI of 31.2.

So, I slowly worked my way up. I start walking. After increasing my steps per day slowly over a month, I start incorporating jogging. Small increments. At some point before I started the jogging, my knees started giving me problems. It was minor, overall. I was sore anyway and assumed minor pains were to be expected. The jogging made it worse but I’ve always hated jogging because it exhausted me so much. I started only walk-jogging every other day.

And then last week, I started Charlie horseing while jogging. Everything hurt way worse this time, and the pain didn’t calm down after I stopped. So I went to the doctor. And I have to stay off of my knees. No more extracurricular walking, no more jogging until they hopefully get better.

I feel crushed. What is the point of these diet pills with extra energy if I can’t use it? I was doing SO good on my weight loss but that’s just stop. Every time my toddler goes up to the stroller and asks for a walk, my heart breaks. I had been taking him with me most days, and he really loved it.

I know the obvious solution here is “Find a pool, go swimming! It’s summer, there are tons of pools!” But the reason I was walking was because it was something I could do with my toddler. You can’t swim laps with a toddler. I’m working on getting him to a place where he hopefully likes swimming but for now, he freaks if his head/face get near water. I have to either hold him or place him in a baby floatie boat. It’s essentially child sitting in the water. Don’t get me wrong, I love spending quality time with my son. But the long slow process of getting him comfortable with water play is not physically productive.

I can’t go without him unless it’s early morning before he wakes up and the only pool open that early within a 20-30 min drive of me is the YMCA. In theory I can afford the monthly fee just fine, but not the startup fee until like a month from now. I know there are obviously other arm exercises, but I am shit at them. 3 push-ups is about all I can manage before I can’t do any more. I can’t lift weights because of much of the same problem. I know I could go with a lower weight for longer but I can’t wreck my arms to the point where I can’t pick up my kid, or I drop him. This is something I’ve accidentally done before unintentionally after helping with some heavy stuff for my job that is 100% not a normal part of my workday. And that’s what arm exercises do to me if I spend more than say, 10 minutes on them it seems. Swimming, oddly enough, doesn’t do this to me since it employs different muscles.

I’m honestly in a horrible depressed slump over this. I got used to being outside and while my progress so far hasn’t been like, awe inspiring, I’ve had no problem pushing through the soreness and pain to keep making progress. But now I can’t even do that, because I’ll make myself worse. I feel like all of this really hard work I’ve put in so far has been taken from me.

I’m sorry if this was a bit of a long rant, but I’ve been so upset about it since I’ve talked to the doctor. I don’t know how to make progress right now and I am shattered. My (worse) knee hurts even when I sit down, like a constant nagging reminder of what I’m not allowed to do anymore. And I’m not even close to my goal weight - I’ve only lost 12 of the 30 pounds I need to be back at my normal weight and then another 10 for my actual goal weight.

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from loseit - Lose the Fat http://bit.ly/2wAe61H

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