This is long and messy and has swear words in it. Forgiveness, please.
A dear friend of mine wondered out loud recently how other people stay motivated to lose weight or keep weight off.
I don’t even feel slightly qualified to answer that. Having lost a respectable chunk of weight, and being 4 years into keeping it off, I don’t think there is a pat answer. Something like that is entirely personal and individual.
And it’s a loaded question. Fraught with all sorts of booby traps about what we weigh, what we think we should weigh, what societally acceptable weights are, and the vast, seething, swirling quagmire of lies, pseudo-science and hot, runny bullshit about HOW people lose weight. (And how they don’t, and how they gain it back. And how they get all fucked up it in the process.)
And, there’s the pervasive belief that losing weight is good. For me, it certainly wasn't. Don’t misunderstand. I didn’t like being fat. I like being thinner much more. I didn’t do it to look better. I didn’t do it so that random strangers would find me more attractive. I did it because I wanted to be freer, happier, stronger, wilder, and less afraid. I really was scared. Scared of the negative health consequences of my weight. Scared that I would be looking at disability because of it in a few years. Scared that I was missing out on life, that my weight was holding me back and that that I could be living a fuller, richer, more complete life if it wasn’t for my weight holding me down.
And yet, when people ask, and when people notice - they don’t comment on how happy I look, or how I’m able to snowshoe all day without resting. They don’t comment on how fine my kayaking stroke is, or compliment me on my ability to climb up stairs without puffing. The comments are all about how I look. I know, I know. That gets me up on my gender politics soapbox. I get that our society IS geared that way. My issues are mine - but that was a bit of a mental block for me to clamber over. Sort of a sense of “look, I’m not doing this so that you’ll want to fuck me. I’m doing this to be happier. And quite frankly, you (random stranger) wanting to have sex with me does NOT make me happy.” But hey. That’s just me.
If I had any advice at all (and I’m not sure I do) I would say this: let joy and pleasure be your guide. Take pleasure in your body and all the remarkable things it can do. Be joyful about being strong and flexible and build on that. Enjoy your food. Eat for pleasure. Exercise for pleasure. Enjoy the way your body moves. As things change, be happy. Be scared if you need to - but be joyful. If your weight loss regime is making you miserable - you’re doing it wrong. You can’t starve yourself into being happy, and you can’t exhaust yourself into being thin.
I’ve cried a lot during my weight loss. The first time I threw myself into my kayak and the gunwales didn’t touch the water, I cried. The first time I saw I weighed less than 100Kg, I cried. The first time I saw I weighed less than 90Kg, I cried. I cried when I put on my bespoke shirt, and it wasn’t so bespoke anymore. I cried the day I walked right out of my pants. I cried in the T-shirt line at a concert for cripes sake. Bought an XL shirt and it hung on me like a tunic. I cried the day I didn’t recognize my own reflection and tried to say hello to the strange woman in the mirror. I cried for joy, mostly.
I didn’t quite believe in my heart that I could make these changes in myself. I was surprised when I did, and that choked me up. And, too - I was scared. It IS scary when you don’t recognize yourself. It was sad to me that I was saying goodbye to that fat girl. She was pretty cool, you know. I liked her a lot. It’s hard to say goodbye to someone you love. Not that you really ever have to say goodbye to yourself. You’re still gonna be YOU - no matter HOW much weight you lose. Just that you have to say goodbye to some of the mental images, and longstanding beliefs you have/had about yourself. For the most part, those are good changes. But you’re still allowed to be sad about changes in general.
Several years ago - I got married. Like it or not, there is a subtle shift in the way people treat you when they think you’re married. It’s like you take on a certain adult level of status, and people do treat you slightly more respectfully because of it.
I cry about this reality too - but the same thing happens with weight loss. I’m treated differently. It’s like people assume I’m more grown up, more reasonable, controlled, moderate and “adultier” than they did when I was fat.
What keeps me going is the joy. I love being able to shop in any store in the mall. I feel much joy when I throw myself into my kayak and the gunwales don’t touch the water. I love being able to see the muscles under my skin, and the way my body moves - loose and light and easy. I love not being scared about my weight, or thinking it’s going to kill me one day. Its a relief not being scared of my own body.
I’ve come to realize along the way that a lot of what we think we know about losing weight is bullshit. Almost everything you read in magazines about it is wrong. Shows like The Biggest Loser and My 600lb Life give a very, very distorted (and mindboggling fucked up) view on weight loss. Reality is more like this: You will never reach your “goal weight”. You will never weigh what you did in highschool. If you do, you will never keep it off. Simply because the factors and causes that led to you being overweight in the first place will not go away just because you managed to lose weight. You’ll still be you, in other words. The reasons you feel compelled to eat, the reasons you rarely feel satisfied, the drivers that cause you to use food for solace will still be there. You may think you’re overweight because you “eat too much and don’t exercise enough”. I can assure you, the truth is actually far, far deeper down the rabbit hole. The trick is to figure out WHY you eat too much, and then, figure out if its even WORTH doing anything about that. You may not like the answers. I sure as hell didn’t.
I will never be my “perfect” weight of 64kg. And I’m ok with that. Maybe as time goes by, I’ll get closer to that number than I am now. Maybe I won’t. Who cares? My boat floats. I’m wearing a pair of size 11 pants, and I can buy a swimsuit that fits me just about anywhere. I can run, I can lift, I can dance, and I can push your car out of a snowdrift if you need help. I’m no longer prepared to let Perfect be the enemy of Good. Don’t let Someday be the enemy of Today.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat http://bit.ly/2Z2rmsc
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