First time posting! F23 5'9 240lbs
I (F23) have within the last couple years really struggled with weight gain. I was always active and played sports in high school / what not, so I guess for most of my life I was thin (but fuck body dysmorphia I always felt horrible about myself).
Cue age 20, I experienced the most horrible bout of anxiety and depression ever- on top of being in a new relationship for the past year (mental health relapse unrelated to the new relationship, but I cared a little less about how I looked after being with K / it's been 4 years tg now!).
These past few years have been terrible in terms of my struggle with weight as it has invited so many unwanted comments from certain family members and overall, crushed my self esteem. I joined groups and followed Instagram pages that were extremely body positive to help combat the societal lie that thin = the only definition of beauty. I felt sick that my mind was always consumed with losing weight and counting calories and running until nearly passing out bc I couldn't stand the way my body looked when it moved or when I sat a certain way. My heaviest was around 255lbs around November 2018. I couldn't seem to stop the balancing act between the same 5lbs.
I don't know where the change happened, but I know it was directly related to not giving a fuck about the change.
I joined a roller derby league, started gardening and going for walks, bc I wanted to FEEL GOOD and STRONG not bc I wanted to lose weight. I was just so tired of the borderline eating-disorder habits I was taking on to get thin again...for OTHER PEOPLE. I know no one gave a shit about my health either bc when I had another mental health relapse and was couch bound, eating next to nothing for 3 months, I was complimented for how "good I looked." I mean, thanks, I'm suffering very deeply, but I'm glad I shed a few pounds for you to notice how well I'm doing...
Can't tell if it's hypocritical of me or not, but I noticed recently that I'm 240! 6 months ago, I thought 5lbs was impossible, but here I am 15lbs later, feeling better than ever. I owe all my progress to weight loss being a convenient outcome of all the fun I'm having in roller derby, hiking, and wholesome activities, rather than being my ultimate goal. I AM more conscious eating, but again: more focused on including more of what makes me FEEL GOOD and less restricting what is supposed to be "bad."
I know this may not work for everyone / feel sustainable, and that's okay, just thought I'd post for anyone who feels completely overwhelmed by the process / defeated.
Sorry for the length, but thanks for reading :)
TLDR: life got easier when weight loss was an outcome, not a sole priority.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat http://bit.ly/2KH8zyQ
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