I hope long rants are allowed, if not I'll remove this post.
I've been on and off diets since I was 5. Every year, every month, every week I say "this is the week I will lose weight". There have been some weeks that I did lose weight, but many more when I didn't. I try to pick upcoming events and say "I will lose 2 pounds per week to reach X goal by X event", but I don't. I usually end up going to the event 5 pounds heavier than before.
I'm trying not to feel ashamed about my weight. I know I can be a valued person despite my weight. But everywhere I go, I see people who have lost significant amounts of weight - my sister lost 50 lbs, my boyfriend lost 40 lbs, my friends are stick thin and gorgeous and are perfect at maintenance - and I can't help but feel like I've been failing for 23 years. I remember my sister being congratulated about her weight loss by my family at Christmas last year. She whispered that she was almost 200 lbs and my family gasped in disbelief.
I was weighed at the doctor as 220 lbs this weekend, my highest weight ever.
I know how to get started. I am practically an expert at it. I also know that I have been put on new birth control and have been sick for the last 3 weeks, which explains some of my lethargy and recent gain of 15 lbs. What I don't know to do is reach my goal. I've lost hope in the phrase "this is this time that I actually do it". I don't think I'll ever do it. I've gone 23 years and haven't done it yet and it seems like nothing will ever change.
I guess what I'm saying is, I'm really sad right now. Very lost. Trying not to feel disgusted by my body. Hoping that this community can help pick me up a little?
TL;DR - I'm fat and I'm sad. I need help being less sad about being fat.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/2yXiJ7g
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