As the title says, I have been battling my weight, food addiction, and impulsiveness issues since I was a kid. I had undiagnosed ADHD up until I was 20 years old, after which I was put on medication and such. Before being diagnosed, I "controlled" my symptoms using a flurry of maladaptive coping strategies like disordered eating behaviors, self-harming behaviors, self-sabotaging, etc. On the outside I was normal weight, but on the inside I was not healthy.
Eventually I ballooned into obesity during a particularly co-dependent relationship and got into HAES in my early 20's. After being diagnosed with PCOS and ADHD, I sought the help of a doctor and they prescribed me medication. I stopped believing in HAES and the body positivity movement and started trying to get healthier again, but I was still holding onto my maladaptive coping strategies from my youth. Obviously, this turned into yo-yo dieting and extreme weight fluctuation. I could gain 20 lbs in a few months, and lose the same weight over and over again over the course of the year.
Last year I went vegan. Cut calories, ate like a kid, eventually got down to my lowest adult weight of 153 lbs. The upper limit of healthy for my height. I broke up with the co-dependent partner, but I couldn't keep up with my limited diet forever. I gave up again, and went back to "not caring". Found someone new, and gained weight together. I'm 20 lbs up again, and I don't want to keep losing these 20 lbs forever.
Finally, around March I told myself enough was enough. I stopped going for the familiar (crash dieting, self-flagellating behavior), and got my medication in order. I now set a schedule so I take the damn thing every day instead of when I remember, I keep a feelings journal for when I struggle with self-harming thoughts, and I'm seeing my first therapist in a week. So far I've lost 5lbs. Not world ending, but it's progress.
What's changed? Seeking immediate gratification and extreme weight loss doesn't work for me. I sabotage myself into old habits that way. I ask for help now, where before people had to guess at what was wrong. I take my mental health more seriously now. I wonder if anyone who reads this can use it as a wake up call if this sounds familiar to them? If you keep trying, and trying, and failing? Ask for help. Trust that people will love you anyway and not judge and humiliate you. Let go of negative habits and people (I myself block all social medias except reddit, and even then I block some subreddits). It's okay to take some time to heal. You don't need to be "woke" all the time if it's making you depressed.
Finally, drink water and get some sleep. I often forget how important those two things are. :)
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/2MUKyFE
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