Thursday, August 15, 2019

Goals and maintenance - things I learned on the way (60 lb) down and worries for the future.

I'm 60 lb down at the moment. I've hit a plateau and it looks like I'm going to be here for a (little) while.

My weight loss journey started 2 yrs and about 60 lbs ago. I'm 5'5" 54F. I was an active 210-220 lb (still running the occasional 5k etc.), but clearly my CI exceeded my CO. I was obese.

After yo-yoing several times over the last 20 years, I quickly lost 20 lb due to stress about 2 years ago. (so stressed I stopped eating). This put me under the magic 200 lb. At that point I made the decision that the source of the stress (a person) was not going to beat me (figuratively) and that I was going to 'weaponize' my survival instinct to become the best version of myself.

I did not count calories. I had bulimia as a teenager and was not going down that route. Instead, I attempted to relearn my body's signals for appetite, hunger and fullness. ( I doubt that this was a conscious thing, but I distinctly remember recognizing "oh, this is hunger" and "oh, I think I may be full" again all a sudden.) I believe that the initial "fasting" period helped shrink my stomach so feeling full happened faster than it otherwise would have.

It helped that I hate shopping. It also helped that my kids moved out, because that meant that food in the house was limited. My favorites (cheddar cheese filled jalapeno poppers and potato chips come to mind) were not allowed in the house. I ate when I was hungry, but I didn't eat anything just because it was there. Sometimes I would fix a meal, take few bites and walk away. Full yet? If I was still hungry, I would eat more a minute later. I carried granola bars every place I went. I was a medicated diabetic and was always prepared for a bout of hypoglycemia.

To my surprise I found that I needed to eat a whole lot less than I thought. My portions became way smaller.
(Between the kids moving out and me eating less I saved SO much money!!!). This is how the next 20 lb came off. I was at about 180 lb at this point and quite pleased with myself. I was also 2 sizes down and need to buy new clothes! Yeah!

I think it was at about this point that I started running. I hooked back up with a running club I used to be a member of and ran, once a week at first, then twice. I started adding movement wherever I could:

1) I listen to music a lot these days. I am constantly moving my body, tapping a foot, a hand or a finger.

2) Stuff at my house used to live at convenient places: Pens everywhere, scissors, brushes - I had them at every place I may need one so I didn't need to move. Now I was changing that. All things got a spot (in the basement!). Now I have to walk to the basement for every item I need.

3) I stopped combining walking trips - "I'll take this later when a second one comes in" became "I'll take this now and I'll take the other one later"

Soon the 180 lb pound plateau made room for the 170 lb plateau.

I added more purposeful exercise at this point: I'm swimming 1-2 times a week, running 2-4 times. In addition, I started biking to work. I evaluate every trip for potential to move more. I walk to the store. I park further away from the entrance. I started dancing.... and I am starting to realize that I have made a lifestyle change. I am still not counting calories, but I eat when I am hungry and I stop just before I am full. I will have small portions of ice cream occasionally, and very occasionally (monthly?) I drink alcohol. Nothing is forbidden - even though I still don't trust myself with cheddar filled jalapeno poppers.

Bye-bye 170 lb - hello 160 lb!

At this point I am 4 clothing sizes down. My diabetes is in remission (A1C is 5.9 without meds!) I am moving and exercising about as much as my schedule allows. I am eating reasonably well - lots of fruits and veggies, relatively reasonable portions. Am I at goal? What is the goal?

Should the goal weight be a weight that I can maintain (i.e. that fits my lifestyle) rather than a prescribed number?

This is what my issue is now:

The numbers say that I am not at goal; I am still considered overweight at 160 lb. But losing more would require yet another change. I can exercise more or eat less. Question is, can I maintain whatever I lose? Is that feasible for my life - and me? Exercising more is a time issue, so eating less is probably the solution for this plateau.

Problem is that I am happy but not really happy at 160 lb. (I mean, I'm happy, but I'm not.) I want to run faster than I am running. Losing weight will help with that. I'm worried that I am starting to reach the slippery slope of the eating disorder again. It worries me that I was happy at 180 lb and I am not happy at 160 lb. That can't be normal. I feel like I should start counting calories just to see how much I am actually eating. But I am hesitant to do so.

I know, silly problems...

I guess I just need someone to tell me to relax and it will be OK.... or something...

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