Today I turned 29. I chose to spend my birthday away with my partner.
I had the choice to include friends, who wanted to be there to celebrate with me. My only thought was “there’s a hot tub” and I couldn’t bear to have anyone see me in a bathing suit.
Because of that feeling (feeling like an overstuffed sausage) I isolated myself and missed out on what could have been a really great time.
I’m so tired of isolating myself, of staying as far away from situations where I feel physically uncomfortable. I’m tired of hating everything I used to wear because of how tight it’s gotten.
It’s not that I have a long way to go, probably about 30 lbs, it’s more that I have emotional habits, live with a partner who can eat whatever they want, and have never succeeded in sustainable weight loss. I’ve yo-yoed back and forth 30 pounds for years now.
I’m going to wake up early tomorrow and go do 30 minutes of cardio. Im going to try to do that at least three days a week to start. I’m going to try to go back to calorie counting with more of a -eat what you want with reason- attitude. I’m going to do whatever I can to feel comfortable in my skin by the time I’m 30, because that’s too old to hide from everything.
I’d appreciate any encouragement, and any tips. Thanks for listening.
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