I regained 10lbs and I pretty much hate myself for doing it.
----weight loss journey----
I'm a natural perfectionist, so I procrastinated a lot before going on this weight loss journey. My mother was an emotional overeater and has lost about 75ish pounds. I've seen how hard it was for her to lose weight and the emotional rollercoaster losing weight was on her, so I was also in a state of denial that I need to lose weight. It hit me that I needed to lose weight when I did a simple BMI and body % check at a grocery store. I was/am considered to be overweight. My mother had several health problems because of her weight--knee replacements, spine problems, heart problems, etc. Knowing that my stats were unhealthy made me question how I had been living and eating.
I'm in a happy relationship with the person I love. When I first met my future spouse I weighed around 125lbs. Since meeting my spouse I've gained "happy pounds," termed by my friend. I didn't have a problem about the way I looked because my spouse made me feel beautiful every day. I love my spouse very much, so realizing that my weight and percent fat could potentially shorten my time with my spouse shocked me into action.
I then went on a 1200 calorie plan (ish) and lost weight. It was hard losing weight and it was hard emotionally. When I lost weight I would compare myself to "skinny" people and just not feel like I'd measure up. Motivated by my competitive personality, I would promise to work harder and be better. When I was at my lowest weight in this journey, 155lbs, I felt amazing. I was proud of myself and felt that I was on top of the world.
Trouble brewed when I had to start a new job that required me to be on my feet about 12 hours a day /5days. I became stressed out with my supervisor, my own high expectations of myself, and the fast-paced environment of my job. As a result, I wasn't able to work my 1200 calorie plan because of time constraints, physical fatigue, and emotional fatigue. I stopped weighing in because I knew that I would gain weight because I was overeating and I was scared to admit that I was undoing my progress. Just like when I started, I randomly checked out my weight and height on a station. At first I thought that my new job would help me lose weight and be healthier because I'm much more physically active, but in actuality, my percent body fat is higher than when I worked the plan.
---- end ----
It may seem small to be disappointed over re-gaining 10lbs, but every time I lost a pound I celebrated and every pound I gained I'd feel upset. I know that if I started up the plan I could lose weight, but I don't know if I am ready anymore. I'm frustrated, resentful, and disappointed with myself. I don't like looking in the mirror and I don't like to watch TV because I don't want to feel like I'm losing to other people.
I wrote this post because I wanted to formally acknowledge my feelings by putting my thoughts, story, and feelings out into the internet. Thank you
[link] [comments]
from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/2MEHPQq
No comments:
Post a Comment