This accomplishment means more for my current peace of mind and future health than anything else I can achieve. The past year has seen me diagnosed as diabetic (like my dad and his dad before him...untreated for 20 years!!!), so my weight loss and consumption of predominantly nutritious food are essential parts of disease management. My ultimate goal is to lose at least 100 pounds, more or less, and I can't believe I'm already so close to even the preliminary goal of getting back down below 200 lbs. I've loved reading the anecdotes and advice on r/loseit, and have adapted so much for my own purposes. First I tried fasting, then keto; the dreams I was having of strawberries covered in whipped cream were not fun. Finally, in September of 2017 I downloaded MFP and the journey began. Since then it's both rough seas and smooth sailing. One thing is beyond certain: I was over-consuming calories like a raving lunatic whose lunacy is materialized as soda, ice cream, bread, cookies.
The difference between now and then is stark. I'd already been suffering from intense anxiety and a panic disorder for a bit, most acutely since 12/2015, which I strongly associate with my weight, fear, and pre-diabetes, and felt like I couldn't sleep effectively, couldn't get good erections (changing BP medicines had a positive effect on this), hadn't had sex in years, walking short distances was growing uncomfortable, and I could just feel my fellow humans' disinterest and disdain for me me dripping off of them. I didn't and don't blame them. I was a total mess. Death seemed looming every few minutes. And hey, I haven't dated in a while, and I'm now going on 9 years, 8 months as a celibate heterosexual man who LOVES great sex with great partners, and my libido is quite high, but I still feel so good lately that it hardly matters that I've not felt that exquisite connection with another human in so long. Very hungry for sex though, no shame in admitting that.
What have been the essential components of my weight loss thus far?
Personal will.
1. Consciously cultivating good habits and moderating bad habits until they're unconscious habits.
2. MyFitnessPal-mediated CICO + totally self-honest disclosure of all "food sins."
3. Remembering that I KNOW FOR CERTAIN I can lose weight, since it's happening and has happened before.
4. Purchasing a fantastic ebike. My biking in 2017 amounted to about 100 miles in total. Post ebike, my biking in 2018 was ~1500 miles, and it's truly great exercise. The Juiced CrossCurrent S (now they have X!) was the greatest material purchase I've ever made (even more than my Fender Stratocaster).
5. The enthusiasm I feel when I realize that my "plateaus" are really just slow weight loss, and that a chart of weight loss still shows steady declines even during the seeming plateaus. Memory is very tricky!
6. Positive affirmations from heterosexual women. I can't overstate how good it feels, when you've walked around the world as a morbidly obese middle-aged male, to interact with women when I can feel positive appreciation from them; if not attraction, then at least something better than aversion or disgust. This is a night and day difference. I am legitimately frightened to see what kind of attention I get 20 - 40 pounds from now. I already have a nice body underneath the fat, and women really respond to me when I'm attractive; even spontaneously at bus stops, in line at stores, etc., in a city (D.C.) known for cold interpersonal relationships.
IT'S AWESOME!!!
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