A year ago I had an epiphany, my weight has stopped me from achieving many of my goals. I, (F21 H:5'1 CW:206 GW:115) have spent so much time wanting to lose weight and not doing it that I have finally improved everything else in my life to the point where weight is all I have left. I have fixed my personality flaws that held me back from making and keeping friends, I have fixed my grades and even managed to get on the Deans list, I have changed the way I view things as black and white. I have changed so much so quickly in the last year, that I have finally hit the last mark that has prevented me from ever achieving my dreams and goals. My weight.
I love dancing, swimming and gymnastics but can't even do 5 squats without gasping for air. I can't dance, I have no energy for swimming or gymnastics. I have always had this dream of becoming a professional swimmer, of competing in competitions and winning. I cant do any of this with my current body. I cant even touch my toes properly. I used to sit in my pool for hours trying to imagine how wonderful it would be to be able to swim the butterfly ot breaststroke woth genuine form. I loved watching and attempting to learn dances I saw in music videos and even creating my own. I loved the idea of gymnastics and being able to gracefully throw my body around.
But I cant do that. Yet. I decided to finally try to lose weight, so that I can begin actually living my life. I want to stop putting this on pause so I can achieve my goals before I run out of time to do it right. I bit the bullet and took a swimming course last semester in college, and I was horrible, but I was so happy. I was so unbelievably happy. I swam with 7 other people, and was the absolute worst in class with my time being 1:23 compared to the next lowest of 45 seconds. I was so uniquely horrible that everyone had to wait for me to swim across the pool before they could continue their next lap. But I was so happy!
They all supported me, my teacher even taught me how to get out of the pool without using my knees to pull myself up! My classmates cheered me on in relays, even though I dragged my teams time down tremendously. One girl would even swim beside me and make sure I didn't give up and doggy paddle to the other side. My teacher told me that the only best that matters is my personal best, and helped me practice after class and gave advice on how to practice outside of class as well. By the end of the semester my time had dropped to 1:05. I was so proud and my teacher encouraged me to keep practicing, because the only way from there on was up.
I started exercising, I am currently trying to build up my stamina by doing a simple 5 squats, pushups, burpees and leg-lifts a day, which still has me panting by the end. I have cut out soda and have started my ADHD and Antianxiety medications again to help my mindset be in the best possible place for this journey!
I have spent so long procrastinating weight loss that I have little left to improve in myself until I lose weight.
I want to be able to live my dream of becoming a professional swimmer, of pole vaulting and gracefully twisting my body and to be able to choreograph and dance the way I have always wanted to. The only thing in my way now is this weight, and this time I will lose it!
I would love advice, and maybe a few friends! Thank you for reading my dribble!
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