Sorry if this has been posted before.
I (22f) have struggled with my weight for almost half my life, and I have a lot of huge mental blocks around weight loss.
I have two brothers with significant food allergies, so dieting, limiting foods, and the like were in my life before my weight issues started. Because of that, "off limit" foods and binging on "bad" food when I have the chance has been part of my life since I was little.
I steadily gained weight from age 12 on up (a mix of more freedom of food outside the home, and increasingly strick rules surrounding food at home.
My mom is overweight and was terrified of that for me., she tried every trick in the book to get me to lose weight: fear tactics, point out fat and skinny people to me, doing diets with me, saying nothing to me. I have had very limited success, and have always gained the weight right back.
It got to the point that, when I think about my weight, I can feel almost suicidal (feeling like there's no point trying, and I should just die). I have self-harmed because of my weight too.
I finally told mom she needs to stop and she was hurting me, and to her credit she has.
The thing is, I hate my weight, and I know it's negatively affecting my life and health. I want to lose weight, but I have so much extra baggage that I end up turning to the very food I need to avoid as a coping mechanism. (I also believe I have untreated ADHD and my executive function stinks, but that's a whole other can of worms).
I'm crying right now. I have such an emotional problem with my weight. Diets terrify me, because they fill this hopelessness cycle. I have such learned helplessness. I sneak food because I feel such shame around it. I sometimes can't even sleep thinking about how fat, ugly, and unhealthy I am.
I am moving on my own soon and would love to build healthy, non-shaming patterns around food and at least not gain weight, but I need so much help, and I don't even know where to begin.
I know I can't be the only one who'd dealt with this. How do I begin to get healthy when I have so much baggage? Thank you for anyone who's able to help.
[link] [comments]
from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/3oxH2SG
No comments:
Post a Comment