(Sorry about the format I’m a mobile user) This isn’t advice, but I wanted to share this small victory for me. I had been trying to lose weight for a long time but I’m just not the kind of person who sets a health goal and sticks to it. I was 260 pounds a pretty short time ago, I’m 5’5 so the way I carried the weight made me me really insecure. I tried diets, I would impulsively eat a lot of calories and just eat more to hide my guilt. Habits of writing it off as a cheat day, then starting the next day strong just for it to repeat again later. I couldn’t stick to anything, and it made me feel horrible. My eating habits weren’t just a chest snack, I’m talking giant plates of food that I would eat and then make another one like 2 hours later. I’m only 19 and this habit started when I was around 12, in the 5th grade I already weighed 160 pounds and I was so insanely miserable. My gym teacher weighed us, told me I was much heavier than my peers and urged me to lose weight. I guess I didn’t think of myself as truly obese because my family has always been overweight so it was just normal to be served 2-3 adult sized portions of unhealthy foods twice a day. Fast forward to last April when I started HRT, my doctor warned me I would most likely gain weight from being on testosterone because I’d be hungrier. It triggered some kind of acceptance and weight loss was just on the back burner for the time being. I started eating when I wanted to and didn’t make myself feel bad about it. This progressed into me eating when I felt hungry, and I didn’t feel like I needed to finish whole plates to cram in all the calories I could before I “started over” the next day. I wanted to try new food, so I did. I started eating healthier foods simply because I liked how eating it wasn’t making me sweat from being so full. I go in for a checkup in July and the scale says 235, I ask them to try again because I wasn’t thinking that my habits were changing. This caused a hiccup because after seeing results I started viewing this behavior as a diet. Which caused me to bring binging back into my life for a few weeks. At my next appointment I had gained 10lbs back and then the “give up” thing happened again. But the more I practiced freedom with my eating, the more weight MELTED off of me. My lab work showed my organs getting healthier and healthier, and my doctor was thoroughly impressed. Her first thought was to test my thyroid because I told her I wasn’t trying to lose weight, but when that turned up normal she was very happy about my weight loss. I got weighed on the 25th of last month, 199lbs. Since I started, my bmi has gone from 41 to 33. For the first time since 6-7th grade I weigh less than 200 pounds, I went from 2xl t shirts to large t shirts. My confidence is through the roof, sure I’m still insecure about certain parts of myself but there’s so much less shame with how I interact with people around me. I wouldn’t order food with people if we went to like Taco Bell or McDonald’s because I felt shameful and judged for not only ordering my food, but eating it in front of other people. I eat now, I have dinner with family members and take what I’m hungry for and eat it in front of them. When I started my job, he gave me an appropriately sized shirt that I was sure wouldn’t fit and it was a little bit big. As of right now the only thing I can say makes me extremely insecure is the weight I carry in my arms, because to me they look giant. I’m sorry that this post was so long I needed somewhere to talk about it.
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