I'm 28 pounds down today. I still have 98 pounds to go, but holy crap I finally feel like I can do this sustainably. I've tried my whole life to figure out how to lose weight in a manner that feels like I can do it forever, not just for a month or two, and I feel like I finally did it!
In March I started trying to eat healthier. It was a weird, rough system, but it really seemed to work: I just tried to make anything I would have eaten before be about 30% healthier now. So instead of 2 hot dogs I'd eat one, instead of a large soda I'd get a small, etc. I didn't want to get stuck on calorie counting because metrics like that activate my perfectionist tendencies and everything falls apart, but I gradually moved toward being calorie conscious: ballparking the amount and making sure I'm not eating anything that is way worse than I think it is.
In the beginning of June I started working out. In the past when I had tried to exercise it was always with the goal being weight loss, but this time I just went into it with the goal of getting stronger and having more endurance. I mix cardio and strength training, and I go every other day.
I learned to push past my fears of being judged as a fat woman who is lifting at the gym. For the first time in my life I discovered physical activity and exertion can be enjoyable even when it's hard. I love my workouts now (most days) and I love how much better I feel in my day to day life now that I'm active. In some ways it feels like I've lost 100 pounds instead of 28, because I feel so much healthier and better in my body than I did a few months ago.
My libido and confidence have gone up, and I really feel like I can do this. I can get healthier. I can lose the weight. I can become stronger.
I was always scared to think like that. What if I believe it will happen and it doesn't? Now I know it's worth going for it and believing in myself, even with the risk of failure.
28 pounds. I have a lot to go, but that number seems so huge. I can't believe it's really happening.
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