I weighed myself this morning. Despite being 'weight loss orientated' for years now, I've gained 15lbs since last year and now sit at my second highest weight ever.
Off I trotted to the gym, my regression in my deadlifts was more present than ever and after a bad attempt at a bench press I had to quickly clear the bar and rush to the toilets where I promptly burst in to tears.
I've been weight lifting for a year and my progression has faltered. I ran a half marathon in April and now can't run 3 miles. I've spent so much time constantly thinking about food for what? A 15lb gain. This is definitely not mostly muscle gain either, I can see my stomach sticking out further than ever, my thighs are huge as they spill out to the side when I sit - pushing all the fat in different directions. I'm heartbroken by how I look, I miss my clothes which don't fit anymore and I miss feeling good about myself when I walk down the street. Now it's just panic and trying not to cry when I catch sight of myself in a car window.
I understand the mechanics of weight loss. Years of research. I'm very aware how I've gained weight, it's just frustrating that I haven't had the discipline to stick to my deficit every day. 3 days of doing great, followed by 4 days of borderline binging, followed by more good days followed by more bad. Yet not a single day of my mind being free from worrying about it.
Is this my rock bottom? I hope so. Only way left to go is up if it is. So I'll try again, and hopefully this time I'll do better.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/kdlyFJg
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