Made a breakthrough!

So, it's been about a year or so that I posted here—my last post was about trying to lose weight while on a bad sleep schedule.

To kind of preface this, I've been struggling with my weight, and eating disorder for a long, long time. Sometime last year (or, really, the last two), I got to the point I was sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. You can look through my post history about it. And honestly last year after I felt just as lost as I began, I fell off again. Not logging what I ate. Not weighing myself (using a broken scale as an excuse), and just... ignoring it again like I have been up to this point.

But... something happened. And I'm not sure when the flip switched.

My partner and I struggle with our sleep schedule, but that wasn't a good reason to eat everything I could when I could.

I've been struggling a *lot* with my mental health during this pandemic. Not just with my anxiety. But a lot of other things have come up that I had been avoiding. And dealing with all that, and my weight, has been extremely tough to say the least.

All that to say, though, I've made a breakthrough.

The last few months my partner and I have been ordering out—and almost universally each experience was bad. Either our order was wrong. It was stone cold. It wouldn't sit well with our stomachs anymore, etc etc. So I finally got with my partner, and due to money problems, we've had to really portion out our food.

And we have.

And, well... prior to now, I'm not even exaggerating, I have always felt like I was starving to death between meals. It was gut wrenching stomach pain that I could never ignore [because if I tried to ignore it, it would literally make me sick feeling]. Prior to the pandemic I've brought my hunger pains and eating disorder up to doctors—and to this day, they don't really seem to care. They just wanna sell me something. Or send me off to a weight loss surgeon. I've had two different doctors refer me for bariatric surgery. I'm that far gone to them apparently. The last doctor I saw said it was because they could best figure out how to deal with my weight. I've seen nutritionists [I know they're different from dieticians], and nothing has really helped.

But, due the above food problems, my partner and I have finally found a few recipes [and made our own] of chicken and rice—and that's basically all I eat. Pan seared chicken, with rice seasoned to our liking. I recognize I'm probably not getting enough of other nutrients I need, but...

For the first time in my life I am not starving to death. I can actually wait for more than an hour between meals. I'm starting to slowly weigh myself again, and find that I feel better. And not just feeling better, but I actually *want* to keep eating smaller portions. I can sit and feel full after eating a small serving of chicken with the rice.

Because what I do is I cube the chicken breasts, and space the chicken out on the frying pan I have. And once the bottom of the pan is "covered" [and by covered, I mean the chicken is spaced out enough that I can flip each cube without trouble], I leave it. That frying pan full of chicken feeds myself *and* my partner. And we have a decent sized serving of rice with it.

Hopefully next month we can buy frozen veggies, and have a bit more fruits and such. To balance our food out even more. Since I know I'm probably heavily lacking.

I'm clocked in at 276, and I'm ready to keep doing this. This isn't a diet. This is a full lifestyle change, and I'm actually excited. I don't feel the need to eat everything in front of me.

Sorry for the super long post... I don't have anyone to share this with besides my partner.

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