Writing this post as a pledge, a vent, a promise, a final plea to myself. According to BMI calculators I've been obese most of adult life but that has typically taken a back seat to lots of problems with anxiety and depression. Lots. I am currently 6', 307 pounds, 42 year old, male. I've had so many "last straws" and many successful dieting periods...losing 10-50 pounds and then gaining it all back.
I've been worrying for a few years about being here for my kids. This weekend I went to an amusement park with my family and had issues with the roller coasters. Most of the "lap bar" types were a big struggle and painful because I was pinched every place possible. Finally, a newer coaster with the overhead support I couldn't ride. Tried two different seats and the employee was very gracious to attempt to help me smash down and try to get the "between the legs" belt to reach but it was a no go. I felt pretty devastated but I knew it was coming...at certain points in my life it could have sent me on a spiral of depression and suicidal thoughts. I just know it's time to get this weight gone or probably not be around long to enjoy retirement, weddings, grandkids, great grandkids. This is it.
I recently dumped one of my meds, prozac, after I ran out of it and couldn't get a refill for a week and aside from feeling a little sick from withdrawals I didn't miss it. A little more free, actually, and my wife could see me lighten up. (I'm on two other meds for anxiety that will stay). When I talked to my doctor I told her I don't really feel like I care to go back on Prozac since I don't notice it missing much after a few weeks. I told her at this point I need my weight loss to be priority and don't even care if I change meds and suffer but lose weight. I was thinking maybe she could put me on something that helped metabolism or something. Instead, I started a new anti-depressant called Trintellix which a lot of people seem to have had success with.
This week (Sunday) I started Trintellix. Felt the prozac withdrawals go away. Feel really confident my mental/emotional struggles are done (I am deciding they are). Got two supplements which I think will naturally help with metabolism and hunger. They are Yohimbine HCL and Cayenne pepper capsules. I still feel tired a lot from inactivity and need to work on moving more...but I've eaten really healthy this week and dropped from 313 to 307 already.
(Edit to add a caveat...I've been eating 2,000 calories a day and drinking tons of water, not starving myself...I lose weight remarkably fast when I don't stuff myself. I have to basically eat myself sick to stay fat...which I do).
If you read this, thanks. Send a little good energy into the universe for me and I will for you. I am done scarfing food to get the serotonin/dopamine highs. I'm in control of my body and I'm going to be happy and healthy.
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