Saturday, August 20, 2022

Gave myself a reminder today not to be so hard on myself…

Height: 5’1” Highest weight (and starting weight): 312 lbs Current weight: 287 lbs

It’s been a hard year. I found out early in the year that my liver enzymes were elevated, and an ultrasound ultimately gave confirmation that I have non-alcoholic fatty liver disease. It was a panic.

I saw a gastroenterologist, weighed in at 306 lbs at that time. He recommended 10% weight loss to help with NAFLD. Gained 6 lbs more to end up at my highest weight yet, 312 lbs. This was in May. I’ve struggled. I’ve worked hard, I “fell back” a time or two.

I weighed myself this morning, just to see what was up, for lack of better phrasing. 287 lbs. Good. That’s down from last time I weighed. I thought, “could be better, but this is good.”

Now, I log on MyFitnessPal. I realized I hadn’t updated my weight in a bit, so I went in to do that. But I scrolled back through the log. May 2022–312 lbs. August 2022–287 lbs.

In 3 months, I’ve lost 25 pounds. In 3 months, I’ve had “slip ups”… I’ve still lost 25 pounds. I’m 11 pounds away from the goal my doctor wants me to reach by December. (It’s not my final goal, but I figure it’s a good jumping off point). But 25 pounds..

I’m 25 pounds away from something I thought, something I hoped I’d never see, something I don’t think and I hope I won’t ever see again. Away from a mindset and a level of fear I hope I don’t have to experience again.

This morning, I thought “it could be better.” Right now, I’m thinking, I’ve never done this before, I’ve never showed up for myself like this before, I’ve never felt so AT PEACE about this journey before. For years, trying weight loss felt like torture. Now, somehow, it feels like the ultimate form of self-care, and it feels peaceful.

If you read all this mumbo jumbo, thank you. I don’t have many people I’m comfortable expressing these thoughts to or talking about my weight loss with, not because of them but because once I say things about it to those people, I tend to get in my own head about it, and that’s my own problem, I think. But I wanted to get this out. I wanted someone, somewhere, to know that I’m doing this, I’m proud of myself, and I feel hopeful about where I’m going.

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