this is gonna be long and rambling for absolutely no reason but tldr: after ~4 months of giving in to all my lizard brain impulses i seemingly, unexplainably only gained 5.5 lbs. i also get to tuck january away mentally like it never happened and start fresh in february.
i haven’t been on track in any sense for months now. i let everything get away from me the end of last year and completely gave up. even when i was eating in i would have a toasted, buttered bagel with french fries for dinner 🥴 but then i gave that up and went back to doordash every night. i also started a new job the beginning of this year and my daily step count and general daily activity has decreased.
then my accountability partner (not for weight loss but for setting goals and being responsible adults) and i decided that january doesn’t count and we will pick back up in february. so now it’s about to be february and mentally i’m ready to take some responsibility for myself. i physically and mentally feel like trash. i’m significantly bloated every night, i’m not sleeping well, i’ve wasted an embarrassing amount of money, i’m struggling to get out of bed. i genuinely thought this new job would make everything else fall into place for me and i would find boundless energy. apparently you continuously have to work for things you want and mental health issues that are being avoided don’t just go away 🤔
i have a lot of goals and ideas for how i want this year to be and it will be good to write everything down, prioritize, and check in once a week with my friend. with all that said i finally weighed in today to prepare myself and somehow i’m only up 5.5 lbs. my last weigh in was october 11 at 147 lbs and today i’m 152.5 lbs. (i’m 5’6) all my clothes have stopped fitting properly so i assumed it had to be closer to 10 or 15 lbs. i’m thinking the way i carry weight is what’s making mostly bras and pants not fit right or not at all. other possibilities include body dysmorphia and scale malfunction. either way i’m gonna go with the 5 lbs for now because it’ll help me stick with my goals.
ANYWAY if you started in january and fell off or never got momentum in the first place it doesn’t even matter because january doesn’t count!! 🥳🥂
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