Saturday, January 27, 2024

lifestyle not a diet

started my weight loss journey and it’s going well. a lot of my habits are changing for the better and while yes I’m really proud of myself for essentially turning into a healthy person with healthy habits, I still find myself wanting more. sometimes I struggle not giving back in to old habits (restricting and binging).

idk how to explain it, the slow and gradual (healthy) weight loss just never feels rewarding enough? I feel so much more accomplished when I lose very quickly. Realistically I know I’m doing the right thing, making lifestyle changes instead of yo-yo dieting but sometimes I just don’t feel accomplished. There’s this voice in my head that goes “Good job on losing 1lb/week but remember the time you lost 20lbs in a month? Shouldn’t you be trying harder?”. I really just want that voice to shut up. I just try to remind myself that it wasn’t sustainable and I gained all back anyway.

not sure where I’m going with this but even though I’m making progress it never feels good enough for me, even though objectively I’m hitting my goals. it’s weird. feels like the weight loss doesn’t really count if I’m not at my gw overnight (which is stupid and irrational, I know).

I feel like a fraud sometimes because I’ve done so much work to be a healthier person and change my dietary habit for the better but I still won’t be skinny for a while bc my starting weight was so high. so I just think, why not speed up the process? but internal i fight with myself because i want to lose weight healthily this time, i dont want to be miserable and have brain fog all day because im running on 500 calories! but also i just can't wait to be skinny? im still goin to be in the overweight bmi by next year if i dont speed things up a bit you know?

idk what im saying i just had to get this off my chest. if anyone has any similar feelings or had dealt with this, id like to hear it.

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