My weight loss journey has two phases. First off what was phase one? Phase one was great. The beginning of my “serious” weight loss journey. Serious because it’s the time when i was the most motivated and the time when I saw the most results. But also the time when I cried the most and I was constantly hungry.
There are a myriad of ways to lose weight and I choose fasting because it’s the one I hadn’t really tried in my seven years of yo-yo dieting and to my surprise it worked wonders. I started losing weight pretty decently but soon enough I realized something: Extended fasting was making my binging WORSE! “Oh it’s ok I can finish this whole loaf of bread I’ll just do a two day fast”, “God I’m so full! But I have to finish my food because my fast starts tomorrow!”, “oh I can’t buy the small size of this cookie it HAS to be the jumbo size after all I don’t even eat everyday.”
On and on like that and the crazy thing is? it worked! I was literally eating my cake and having it. That was until it didn’t. I had gotten to the point where unless I was only eating three days a week there was no way for me to lose anymore weight. The moment I reached the 180’s from the 240’s I hit the biggest plateau yet. And of corse I just fasted more and binged more and fasted more it was crazy, it was crippling my mental health and of course the scale didn’t budge.
I took a maintenance break and went at it again but same thing so the same results. I was in denial. I refused to admit that my binging was out of control because in my eyes fasting is the GOD of weight loss and anyone on their weight loss journey who is not fasting is simply…wrong. I cried and cried battling with self harm thoughts I almost resigned to the fact that I would never be a healthy weight in this lifetime.
Until I woke up.
It was painful to realize it but I had to. I am a chronic binge eater. And fasting as wonderful as it maybe is simply not for me. I have to learn how to eat in moderation. I can no longer live as I used to. I have to become more active and mindful. I have to track and track. I have to, otherwise I’ll be stuck in this body forever and don’t get me wrong this is a pretty hot body but I certainly think it could be much hotter and of course healthier.
So today phase two begins: if I can do a seven day fast I can track my fucking calories. Period.
Thank you for coming to my Ted talk.
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