Close to my first 10lbs, but struggling.

Trigger warning: eating disorders

Hey all, I feel like I'm slowly slipping into bad habits and I know I should stop, but seeing faster progress is so tempting.

I started my weight loss journey mid June. I decided this time to work on making small, manageable changes so that I build better habits and don't regain once again. (I gained 70lbs in the last 3 years from my lowest). I alloted just over a year to meet my goal of 60lbs lost, as this was a better timeline.

I was doing good with making changes. I greatly reduced my alcohol consumption, prepped more meals at home and greatly reduced how much I ate out. I started losing weight and felt encouraged.

Then I decided to stop having breakfast and go down from 3 meals a day to 2 meals a day. I did this because I work a 9-5 office job, and outside of work I'm extremely sedentary. I figured my body didn't need all that food with how little I move. I saw a 2lb loss I think the week I stopped breakfast. Encouraging!

However, I got into a bad habit of drinking more on the weekends and slowly started slipping back into eating out more and having my favorite snacks again. I didn't gain weight but I didn't lose any either, and I maintained my weight for roughly a month. I felt discouraged not seeing progress for a month, so this last week I decided to tighten up and avoid alot of the crappy foods I've been allowing myself to have. I figured that in order to actually expect weight loss, I need to do something that would translate to that. I've just been hoping I somehow lose weight while barely trying.

Well I was almost a pound down this week, but a day or two this week I skipped lunch as well. And now I'm down roughly 2 lbs this week, and I'm less than a pound away from my first 10lb weight loss.

I've struggled in the past with restrictions and purging, and so I know I'm vulnerable. But it feels SO GOOD to actually see the scale moving after a month of disappointment. I'm having a small lunch today (can of tuna mixed with spices, mustard, and mayo) and I'm excited for my weigh in tomorrow, hoping that I reached 10lbs. I was less than a pound away this morning and I hadn't pooped in like 3 days and I've pooped twice already today so with reducing my food today and pooping I'm hoping I'll meet it tomorrow!

I just don't know what I want to do, because I wasn't gonna eat the tuna, but then I felt hungry so I decided to eat. I'm not forcing myself to starve when I actively feel hungry. I'm just trying to eat as minimal as I can to fill that hunger.

I feel like I'm standing on the line between healthy reduction and eating disorder, I'm not in either category I feel.

Idk why I'm posting because I don't want people to tell me to eat more, I know I should. I'm focusing on eating protein to avoid muscle mass and hair loss. I guess I just want someone to relate to me and help me feel not alone in this

Thanks for reading

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