For context I definitely struggle with an eating disorder that I have never went to the doctors for. I think I’m just embarrassed and I don’t want to be so visibly seen. I’m 24 5’7 and last I checked I was 145lbs but it’s been a long time since I stood on a scale.
I go through phases where I’ll eat heavily one day and then not at all for 2-4 days and once I get winded from simple tasks and start to feel woozy I’ll eat heavily again and repeat. I struggle heavily with mental health issues/ body dysmorphia to the point where I had 9 garbage bags full of dirty unwashed clothes that were thrown around my apartment and 6 bags of trash. I didn’t feel comfortable enough leaving my apartment to go to the laundry room or take the trash out because I didn’t want to be seen. I still don’t but I forced myself to clean up this weekend and still have more to do but I’ve decided to actually take the step to be healthy and try to not let my view of myself stop me from living.
I’m going to eat daily in small portions so I don’t make myself sick with this major adjustment. I’m a bit obsessed with my weight. I’ve always been this body type I started “developing” C cups in about grade 4 and I was bullied extensively. I looked like a top heavy toothpick. I was accused of getting a boob job in middle school, being a bra stuffer the list goes on. A teacher even told me my body type made me look like a prostitute and I couldn’t wear what the other girls in my class wore because it looked “different” on me. I honestly hate my body to an extreme so I’m hoping this self love journey in a HEALTHY positive way will help me recover. I focus heavily on the weight of a scale and a few months ago I threw my scale out because every time I stood on it I would breakdown in tears.
My current measurements:
38 bust 30 waist 38.5 hips
I’ll check again every few months and track my progress that way. If anyone has any tips for me to keep this a healthy journey and not fall into old habits it would be greatly appreciated. Fingers crossed.
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