Back story: I was your typical athletic kid in high school I weight about 168 LBS, same height 5 ft 9". And I could literally eat anything. Fast forward to me graduating and starting college. I come from a very low income family, so I had to pay school on my own. I was 18 and I started university, I was dating my High School Sweetheart. At that time I thought life was great and my future would be nothing but brightness, boy was I wrong. Regardless I had to pay for my own college so my schedule was as follows, 9AM-2:00 PM I would be at school and then I would go to work from 3PM till 11:30 PM M-F. Well I would eat around 7:30PM and then I would get home and my mom that I love dearly! Would be waiting with dinner and I didn't have the heart to tell her I had ate. Fast forward two years of this routine. I ended up quitting this job I felt trapped and couldn't go out with friends specially they got busy and I started working 7 days a week. Around this time in the summer I went to help my cousin work and he told me I had put on some LBS, I weight myself I was around 200 LBS. I thought no big deal I will lose the weight, at this point my high school sweetheart had cheated on me and she broke up with me. My best friend robbed our home when no one was home, so I lost a lot in a short period of time. I feel mentally I felt depressed, fast forward a few months my parents get divorced. During this stage in life I was going to school and working I picked up gaming. And honestly it was probably something I regret. I got addicted to playing and just not facing life. When my parents divorced my dad wanted no part of my siblings. At that point I'm 19 about to turn 20 and my siblings 9 and 7. I had to take on so much and just grow up over night. We come from low income so I had to take the burden of getting an apartment, and raising my siblings. Honestly one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I had a lot of anger, and I wasn't the best brother to them. I was still a young person and it was so sudden. I felt I had no one to talk to and just hated my life. I couldn't catch a break I got more into playing games online. Work, Eat with siblings, Play till midnight, sleep and wake up at 7:00 Am to go to work. This was my routine and gaming plus eating was my escape. Many years went on like this again I'm 33 years old now. People struggling just now things will eventually get better and don't ever give up. Back to the weight I hated to see myself in the mirror and was scared of the scale. One day at a grocery store there was a scale and I decided to see what my weight was, scale read 260 LBS. I couldn't believe it reality hit and I had to do something about it. I started p90X and eating at a very unhealthy deficit and just working out to the point i couldn't walk. I went from 260 LBS to 211 LBS in 3 months. As you already now the second i stopped this unsustainable regimen i gained all the weight back. Honestly after that failed I stopped trying and then my company was giving a discount on the insurance if you had a yearly physical. I went it and found out i was diabetic and was at 320 LBS. I was beyond obese, and I started dieting and i would do this for 2 months and then just quit. MY little brother now 20 years old was very into the gym and pushed me to go. I don't know what my weight was but we worked out for a few months and my expectations vs reality would make me stop. I would set a # of lbs i wanted to lose per month, and that's something you can control. I got hurt lifting too heavy and just set back. At my best and lowest weight i was 263 LBS, and doing great before i got hurt and gave up. Again months go by and 2020 new year new me so i start going again being consistent and then covid happens, again lose motivation. 2021 I go to my yearly blood work and i weight 304 LBS, i decide i need to work out again. Start going to the gym again sometime in May and really hit a stride in June. I really felt motivated and then in July i get covid and i'm out for a few weeks. After that i stop going regularly. regardless fast forward to 2022, new year new me. I start my journey and to my surprise i weight 284 LBS, and I start eating clean and things are going well, I get covid again and basically all February and first two weeks of March i stop my Journey, Now this week March 14th i'm back at the gym and i will start to eat more clean. I'm sitting at 277 LBS and my long term goal is to weight 190 LBS or better. If you read all of this thank you, I currently feel i have no one to really talk to. And need the encouragement, I don't want to feel like giving up. Because it's hard to get out that mentality. My siblings are grown now and I missed out on life my 20's i'm ready to be who i know i can be, and have a girlfriend again and start my own family. Career is in great shape, financially im good. It's just I lack good friends and a romantic relationship. I just don't want to date i think im ugly etc. This is my struggles and i share them with the good people of reddit. Wish me luck and i will be back in 1 month to update on this so difficult journey. I might fail but i'll never quit!!
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