I don't know if this will resonate but the narrative that hunger, or eating sugar, or having snacks, or whatever, is a tiger you either cage (not engage with) or leash (do, but have to struggle to control) don't work for me anymore. They make me feel awful.
They make me feel like I am a failure for feeling the want to eat at all. Something I have to do. And I become a mess of shame and self loathing. I believed that when I was obese it was all my fault, that my income, my childhood, my energy levels, and the treatment of myself by others, was 100% in my control. That I am bad for my fat on my body. Worse. Lesser. Stupid. Weak. Uncontrollable. Undisciplined. Disgusting.
I'm furious just thinking about it.
I lost almost 80lbs and I flux 10lbs. Everytime something comes up in life I put on weight because I don't have the money, time, or energy to "cage the tiger". When I do, I lose it again.
But this big scary tiger that is ruining my life? It's just a kitten and it may be big but it is sweet, and it needs love. Care. Tenderness. Forgiveness. Understanding. It needs a flipping hug.
I'm not a tiger. I'm a person. I do not feel good nor comradery when people say "I can't control myself" or "find something to distract yourself" or "just get a good enough routine". Don't. Don't control yourself you don't need more rules you need compassion. You don't need strictness, you probably had that your whole life in ways you never knew. You need to see how much joy you deserve.
This space has lots of love to give. I needed to share that in my whole weight loss journey I never gave myself love. Real love. Everyone congratulated the shit outta me. Everyone. A post to progresspics is my most upvoted submission of all time. I cared how I would look and pretended I didn't. I spent so much time on loss, counted everything, logged so neatly, but never considered if I was running myself dry. No vague mention nor anecdote of "change the inside and out" meant anything to me which is why I'm putting it like this in this post.
If you're like me, and maybe you're dying trying to hold back from some food, there's more going on then lack of self control. You're not leashing or caging a tiger, you're fruitlessly trying to choke it out and hoping it will just die. It's not going to die. It can't. It is you. You deserve better.
Lose 1lb every 2 months, hell don't lose anything yet if it means you won't hate yourself when you eat, doing so because your body is begging you to eat more, eat fast, eat shamefully, eat brazenly, eat with friends, eat alone. The tiger is begging something of you and food is just what it knows to do.
Maybe you didn't have much food before. Maybe you weren't allowed to eat much and shamed when you did. Maybe nobody fed you properly. Maybe you were forced to eat. Your body is begging for care after all you've been through and this is what it knows.
Don't try to shut it up, you can start by telling yourself I'm not a tiger. I'm not a monster. It's going to be okay. I'm sorry. And I love you.
At least for me. I hope this reaches someone else.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/vAa16Yd
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