I had no idea how to word my title, so I'm genuinely sorry if I offended anyone. I acknowledge that everyone's weight loss journey is not the same, and that I do have certain privileges because depending on who I talk to, I am considered skinny.
I'm also not sure where else to get support - I'd like to lose weight because I feel myself getting super unhealthy and lethargic (my body feels like crap all the time), but my mental health around weight loss and physical health is so messed up, I can't even try without crying.
Even though I grew up in the West, I also grew up in an Asian community that was super judgemental. People seemed to dismiss me because I was chubby and ugly and in their eyes, untalented. And when they did notice me, they doubted my intelligence and ability to succeed. I'm sure that messed me up too, because when I left that community, I was surprised that I was considered skinny by others. (Not that it matters what other people think, but at the time, it mattered to me.)
I grew up with naturally skinny Asian friends (ie. Hourglass figures, or skinny figures; they'd eat so much food, but never gain weight), so I think their view of what was normal was a bit skewed. I was fat to them. And worse yet, when they married, they married people who were formerly overweight, so when I expressed my views sbout how they treated me in the past, I got dismissed because "my problem isn't a problem, there are people who have it worse off".
Because of this, it really messed me up. I still can't work out without crying because I resent my body for having to work harder than my friends do. I binge eat. I can't enjoy Asian media because I just feel bad about myself afterwards. I can't even talk about weight loss and health without getting upset.
And I know all of this is unhealthy, and that I need to be healthier for my own sake, but all I can be is angry, and I'm frustrated that I can't buckle down and just try to be healthier without it having to be without looking good, because I'll never succeed if that's the goal.
I don't know what to do, and I'm reluctant to post on here because I worry about all the hate I'll get and the comments saying, "cry me a river". But I need help and I don't know where to go.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/i0ujkQE
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