I’ve been going to a weight loss clinic for a few months and losing weight. Things are going great with a few bumps but overall good progress on the decline. My clothes are getting bigger, body getting smaller, and physically getting a lot more comfortable.
All of this is awesome. I went through a traumatic event and developed PTSD, then the pandemic hit. BED was a coping mechanism and I went from a pretty rocking bod (RIP lmao) to, well, clinically obese. So it’s great to be feeling more like myself and recognize my body under all that skin again. I feel so much more like myself, it’s an amazing feeling after being so “lost.”
I’ve got a bunch left to lose though. Probably 50 pounds. 60 if I really want to hit my ideal goal, but 50 would be a fine target and I’d be happy.
I feel myself losing motivation. It’s not that I’m gaining weight back or anything, I just don’t have the same drive. I thought I’d be more motivated as I got closer to the finish line. So far I’ve lost 23 pounds which is a lot and I am proud of that. But… eh.
I guess I just kind of feel like I’m in the middle of a long road trip, and I have sooo many hours left before I get to my destination. And the road is so long and flat. The playlist is on repeat for the 100th time. I know it’ll be a great vacation when I get there and I just have to keep driving, but I’m bored and I kinda wanna end the drive early and pick a closer destination, even if it’s less fun.
My mom promised me a breast reduction and lift, plus to help financially cover lipo/tummy tuck (maybe one, maybe both depending on what surgeon says) once I reach my goal. She got a breast reduction a few years ago and says on a weekly basis she can’t believe she waited so long. So it’s a gift from her to me (we’ve both wanted one for years). Even knowing I have that to look forward to isn’t helping! I’ve wanted that for years! I can’t imagine a life without back pain and where I could go running without three sports bras. A dream!
And the lipo/tummy tuck should assuage most fears around saggy skin from weight loss. I’m young so that’s been a big concern — I don’t want to spend so many years with lots of loose skin — and there’s a clear solution that I’m lucky enough to have access to. So WTF.
I feel like something is wrong with me.
Why can’t I be excited about this? I was so excited at first! When I look in the mirror I can definitely see where I need to lose more weight, but the drive is not there anymore.
I’m just putting one foot in front of the other. But man. A little internal push, the excited drive like I had when I started would be awesome.
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