might not be an eating disorder but dunno how else to describe it, basically i lost weight nearly 2 yrs ago, during lockdown, which probably didnt help. I am now a healthy weight and look normal but I have a fear of food and obsess over it and sometimes do weird stuff like chew food and spit it out...i sometimes even make myself throw up after eating (rarely though, I dont like it). Sometimes I stop being so strict and weird with food, unfortunately those days I tend to eat more. Despite all this I am very healthy, I work out hard every day and almost always eat a very healthy diet. All my bloods are great except mild vitamin deficiencies which i'm fixing.
I get fixated on weighing and logging all food and tracking my weight and it feels like such a waste of time cause I never used to be someone who cared about stuff like that. I used to be a "chill" type of person. I can't eat a little slice of pizza without stressing over it or worrying I miscalculated. I never even eat out cause of it. It is stupid to be so obsessed with my weight, there are much more important things in life, but I can't seem to let it go. It's not like I want to be super skinny, I just want to look fit and healthy with low body fat. The difference in how I'm treated is crazy and it feels like one wrong step and I'll be back like that. I would lose the nice new life I built for myself with a beautiful gf and new found confidence..
At the end of the day, I would rather have this eating disorder than be fat, but I wish is wasn't such a struggle every day. I want to be able to eat normal food without my inner fatty despearate to eat junk all the time and ruin my progress
for ref i am 27, 5'11" male, 117kg to 64kg (257 lbs to 142)
Anyone else gone through this ?? If I have to just accept it then okay, but if anyone has some tips on how to tone down the obsession/ shut up my inner fatty without gaining weight or ruining progress that would be great.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/Y5wBh3F
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