Hi,
I'm a 29 y/o female and am trying to lose weight. Like many people, I've spent most of my life "trying to lose weight" in my mind but not really achieving much. This manifested itself by eating low-cal everything, convincing myself I must eat 1200 calories a day (while being 5"9) and repeatedly failing. I was never very big, but not as fit as I wanted to be. (My highest was about 150 lbs, and goal is around 120-125)
In the past year, I've changed my relationship with weight loss quite drastically. First, I began weightlifting and even though the scale hasn't moved much, I could see the difference in my body. A couple months ago I set on a journey to lose some fat, but the window of 1300-1400 calories I've set for myself ended up with me binging quite often (nothing too bad, but enough for me to maintain instead of losing weight).
I did find something that I quite enjoy, however. I really like walking, so I started just walking in 8s around my apartment. It's not the sexiest of cardio types, but I can do it for hours while listening to podcasts I like and it's quite relaxing. I know it's not as efficient as more intense forms of cardio, but I found myself effortlessly sticking to it for about 1-2 hours/day. This helped me increase my calorie intake to around 1600 and avoid binging, while also actually losing weight.
The one place I still struggle with though, is that I have a hard time controlling myself when I eat out. I always find it hard to stop myself from eating that extra pizza slice, etc. I don't see it as a huge deal since it seems reasonable for my body to be uncomfortable in a calorie deficit and want to eat more. I don't get mad at myslef, but I do feel a bit of frustration over the lack of control I feel.
What I did notice though is that I feel like I'm regaining a lot of this control by walking for, let's say, an extra half hour on the days this happens. This is setting some ED alarms in my mind since it makes me feel like I'm "punishing" myself for extra food, which seems like a big no-no. But it doesn't feel like that to me. It genuinely feels empowering, like I'm taking back control over my own body. I know it doesn't make up for the calories I ate, but it doesn't really matter a whole lot -- it just makes me happy not to feel entirely helpless.
I would really like some outside perspective on this, though. Do you feel like any "compensation" for extra food with cardio is unhealthy, or could what I'm doing actually be good for me if I make sure to keep checking that my brain doesn't it like a punishment?
EDIT: Just to clarify, the weight goal is extremely arbitrary. I'm focusing much more on how I look and feel, plus my fat%. I'm currently around 22% fat, but I would like to hit around 18%. It might mean that I would put on some extra muscle and stay the same weight, I don't mind that. I know this might not be sustainable for my whole life, and I'm okay with that, but as long as I have free time and the mental capacity, I would like to stay within the "athletic" range.
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