A little bit of context. I am a M24 who is currently about 260 pounds at 5 foot, 9 inches. I have been chubby most of my life, lost some weight a couple years ago but have put on about 70 pounds in the last 2 years. I have also been diagnosed with depression and binge-eating disorder, a lot of which stems from my anxiety surrounding my relationship experience. I have never been in a romantic relationship or experienced any romantic intimacy, including kissing or holding hands. This is mostly due to my shyness, rock bottom self-esteem, and horrible body image. My weight also certainly isn't attracting many women. Online dating is pretty much a wasteland for overweight men, and over many months of the apps I received less than ten matches, all of which went nowhere.
So I'm an overweight depressed virgin with an eating disorder and I know I need to change if I ever want to find someone. I just haven't been able to accept how slow the process is going to be, causing me to continually lose focus. Realistically, it will take a year for me to reach my goals. I keep fixating on the fact that I have to spend a whole year of my life focused on this before I can even think about having a relationship. At that point, I will be 25 with still no experience.
I just can't get the relationship anxiety out of my head. It's literally all I think about 24/7. Whenever I have a thought about it, it causes me to get emotional, my depression seeps back in, and it causes me to binge eat, erasing any progress I made throughout the day. Day after day after day. It's just a cycle.
All I want to do it focus on losing the weight. I need to get all of these thoughts out of my head but I don't know how. Any advice you have on how to buckle down and focus on the task at hand is greatly appreciated.
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