I (25F) think that’s my biggest problem in this journey.
I’ve been trying to lose weight for FOUR YEARS. Actually, four years and a half. In this time, I managed to lose and then regain and lose again a few kgs, and now I’m right back where I started.
I know part of the reason I haven’t seen much progress is my binge eating problem. Extended binges the week before my period.
I lost all confidence in myself and have absolutely no reason to believe in myself. Whenever I try to tell myself this time will be different, the rational part of me screams that it won’t. My track record shows I can’t.
The only times I managed to lose weight in these years were the few times I got very sick. Eating in a calorie deficit has never ever led to sustainable weight loss for me. I know it’s not because “my body is broken”, it’s just that I end up so so hungry that I overeat and ruin my progress. But if I try to eat more to avoid hunger, I’m back to maintenance calories.
So I have no reason to believe I can lose weight. Yet I keep trying. I want to live life in my happy, healthy and confident body again. I want my energy and effortless life again. I need something that makes me believe in myself but I can’t find it. I think of a life without binge eating and it sounds totally unrealistic for me. I can’t imagine not ever binge eating again.
Every time I try to tell myself I can do it I feel like I’m lying to myself. Been there so many times before, I know how it ends.
Now I’m 17 days binge-free. Haven’t lost any weight. I need more time, but I would want to see some progress month to month.
I don’t want to give up.
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