In 2021, I was shocked to see my scale reach an all time high of 199.8. Normally I maintained near 165lbs throughout my 20's and yoyo'ed between highs of 180lbs over the years. Don't get me wrong, it didn't feel good at first to see such a high number on the scale. But I couldn't blame myself too hard, right? After all, it seemed like putting on covid weight was perfectly normal.
I didn't let it bother me too much. And fast forward to 2023 – I've now been yoyo'ing mostly between 199.8 and 192.8 for the last 3 years after a few unsuccessful weight loss attempts. Now at the age of 32, I had to decide whether I was really going to let the 190's continue to be my new normal...
On May 13th, I weighed in at 193.6lbs. Almost 5.5 weeks later and I weighed in at 175.4lbs today. In addition to the obvious cutting of alcohol consumption, the two biggest things that have helped me through my journey have been to give up binge eating and to rethink what hunger means to me.
I realized it had been so long since I was actually physically hungry that I wasn't even sure what it felt like anymore. Most of the time I'd eat because "3 meals a day" you know? Or because I'm craving something delicious. I think my main issue has always been using food as a pacifying behavior and being afraid to feel hungry. But feeling hungry is a natural part of life. Arguably more natural than always eating until you can't anymore.
Since starting this latest journey, I always try to maintain awareness of just how full I'm getting and aim to eat between a 6-8 on a 1-10 fullness scale. This new mentality has been really helpful for me and it's allowed me to differentiate between eating as sustenance vs binge eating.
Eating til I'm full has almost been like a drug that I've abused since 2020. Now when I eat, I aim for a 6. But if I accidentally reach a 7 it's no big deal. And if I'm really enjoying my food, I'll allow myself up to an 8. But absolutely under no circumstances will I ever allow myself to go beyond an 8 ever again. The same way I haven't had a cigarette or vape hit since December 2019, I plan on going the rest of my life without a binge. That said, here's to making the 150's my new normal – see you all in a few months :)
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