F22/5’5/183lbs
Near the end of 2021, I noticed I was getting a little thicker. I knew it was likely due to my increased drinking of beer/seltzers, but I didn’t pay any mind to it because I’d never gained a lot of weight before. At that point I was at about 137-138.
It didn’t really hit me until I weighed myself again a few months later in early 2022. I freaked out at the fact that I was coming into the 140s, but again, I did not really do anything about it because of my mental state at the time & just not wanting to accept it.
And from there, the weight just started packing on ultra fast. Only a few months after the freak-out, I was knocking at 170s door. By the end of 2022, I was in the 180s. The weight gain slowed down a bit, but about a month ago I noticed I was approaching 190. I guess that’s what I would call my rock bottom realization moment.
I could not bear to see the angry stretch marks anymore, I could not bear to watch myself sink further into the depression that is only made worse by the weight gain, and I sure as fuck wasn’t going to have to go through buying a new wardrobe ~again~
For the past few weeks, I have been counting. And by counting, yes I mean calories. From everything I’ve heard, I fully expected my brain to explode (especially because of my obsessive tendencies and anxiety). But no, I’ve just taken a sec before every meal or drink to see what I’m getting into — logging it, and then using that as a way to learn how to budget out my calories better for the coming days. From there, I’ve entered at about a 500-700 deficit to what I used to eat. Still not at the ideal deficit for weight loss, but I figure easing into it is better than rushing my body.
Over the course of this process, I’ve dropped 6 pounds. To say that I’d been drinking and eating in a huge surplus (and not really realizing it) is a vast understatement. My drinking is still an issue, but I’m tackling that as we speak by getting on naltrexone under my psychiatrist’s supervision and guidance.
I don’t know, I’m just proud of myself. I rarely allow myself to become passionate or inspired about things that can help me, so I usually just wallow in the misery. I can’t wait to see where this goes, and I’m excited to not feel like my own prisoner anymore. Hopefully.
ETA: Just wanted to say that I do not think going into a deficit is always an easy thing, or that I don’t think others genuinely do struggle with it. I am sure I’ll encounter bumps along the road, and things will probably become more difficult at some point. We’ll see I guess.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/hJxm0dC
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