Thursday, June 15, 2023

Stuck and looking for a kick in the butt

Hey everyone. 33 year old, M, 305 lbs, 6'0.

Feel like I'm stuck in this endless cycle of try to get healthy and eat right, be successful for about a week, lose a pound, but then I get a combination of awful cravings and frustration over how long weight loss is taking and tell myself "oh what the heck, a little won't hurt", then go back to eating absolute garbage for a week or two, gain another 3-4 lbs, rinse and repeat. I had a huge burst of hope because my doctor was going to start me on Wegovy, but now for the last month my insurance has been putting a stop to it every time they try to push it through, even when given more information and symptoms for a prior auth... So I've kind of become a bit hopeless and I guess I'm just looking for some advice on how to re-motivate myself before I kick the bucket early.

I've severely struggled with weight my entire life. My highest weight ever was 410, when I was 19 years old. I've had moments of success where I've lost tons of weight (once went from 370 to 210 in the span of 9 months when I was 21), but recently I have been getting "stuck" , and definitely feeling like my metabolism has aged. I also have OCD and ADD, although only the OCD is treated.

I obsess over food constantly, definitely a slave to it. Even when I'm dieting, I'm always thinking about my next meal and how much I'm "allowed" to eat.. dieting is not a natural thing to me whatsoever. I have a huge appetite, too. When I eat "only" 2200-2400 calories in a day, I'm usually pretty hungry. My body usually is content with around 3600, but even then I always have "food noise" in my head, and I could EASILY go for 4000+ if I allowed myself.

My most recent success was going from 290 to 220 from August 2019 to May 2020 and that was done through Intermittent Fasting... But then I had a dreaded lockdown mental health crisis, got put on Mirtazapine and Seroquel (two HUGE weight gain medications), and I gained 100 lbs back in 6 months. Ever since then, whenever I try IF I completely fail. My cravings get so bad and I end up binging really hard. I can usually only stick with it for about a week before screwing it up.

Trying to lose weight on Seroquel was damn near impossible. I would do 18 hour fasts, eat in a calorie deficit, exercise, and I would only lose like 1 lb a week tops... I'm off it now (I take Buspar and Trazodone which as far as I'm aware don't have huge weight gaining claims) but it seems like my metabolism almost got 'stuck' in that mode.

I do exercise a good amount, I do 20 minutes of max incline treadmill at 4 MPH a day, and also take about a 30 minute walk around my neighborhood with my son. I also work a physical job where I'm usually moving around a decent amount. I can't really do much more since I'm a full time worker and father of a 1 year old, so it all has to be up to my eating and controlling my huge appetite.

The health issues are also here as a result of my obesity. I have pretty bad vericose veins, often get tendonitis in my ankles, lots of neck strain, borderline high LDL (124), and sleep apnea (although admittedly that is mostly due to my deviated septum, but the weight doesn't help). That's not even to mention all the ever present self esteem issues.

I'm really not sure what to do. Any advice and uplifting or butt-kicking motivation would be appreciated.

submitted by /u/Jorin0L
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