So I've posted around here before. I realize I have a very twisted relationship with food (I binge when happy, I binge when sad, I binge when bored).
I'm 5'5", 272 lbs.
In high school, I was around 205, 210. In college, I was floating at 250 for a long time. Last summer I made it down to 239 by CICO. Went back to college and now I'm at a whopping 272 despite a "this is it! no more!! speech" I had with myself. I even told my boyfriend (who was very patient at the time) that I was going to lose weight so I can feel confident enough to meet his family. Well, I gained weight and now look. I still haven't met them. Regardless, he's been incredibly supportive either way. But that's not the point.
I am frankly embarrassed to be honest with him about how I want to take this. I'm scared to start, but not because I'm afraid to fail, I'm afraid to miss out on my favorite foods. Those Friday night 5 Guys Burgers and Fries and Screwdrivers. (So much fun...). Those Monday Gyros and Fries, those Saturday night ice cream treats. I'm so scared to lose all of those things. I'm scared to eat healthy. But to me it seems there is no way to eat those foods "occasionally". That's just how how it works. You can't use crack in moderation, can you? lol
I want this so badly but I am just so scared.
You know how you're at the edge of the pool and you want to jump in, because all of your friends are in the pool playing and enjoying themselves. You gotta jump in, if you dip your toe in and try to get in moderately, you'll just chicken out and run away time and time again. You psych yourself up, back up, and run to the edge but you stop suddenly because fuck, you know it's gonna be cold in there. You know it's going to be a complete system shock.
That's me on the edge. I want to do this because I want to enjoy myself but man, oh man, am I just terrified. And with that being "scared" I can't be 100% honest with myself or my partner.
So I've research Whole30. Not because I think it'll help me lose weight super quick, but because I need change my relationship with food. I want to try it with my partner, but I'm just embarrassed to talk about anything "weight loss" with him because it means I'll have to commit or look like a liar.
Anyone else that was terrified to start, please help. Any words of advice, wisdom, things to take the fear away? Also a word on how I could bring up Whole30 to bf?
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